Heh.
I BET either his jaw dropped to the floor or he visualized very graphic and very pornographic things. It's normal. I wouldn't be too upset about it. People still associate alternative sexuality as erotica. But then again, erotica is more respectable than being called insane just because you feel for someone of the same sex.
There are a whole bunch of jokes about how bisexual people are lucky and have more options and I laugh everytime I hear those jokes but I don't think it's like that. At all. I don't think alternative relationships are very different from the usual ones.
Retard squirms and tells me that he feels insecure. I guess it's not a very nice thought. I mean the probability of him staring at a hot girl on the road when he's with me and then turning around to catch me checking her out too is quite high! But then again, when you are in a serious relationship, these trivial things don't matter.
They shouldn't. That wouldn't be too healthy.
I think from my last relationship I learned just that. You have to let go yet at the same time not compromise with who you are and our ideals. Two people who are in a relationship are supposed to complement and complete each other, not sacrifice who they are just be with their better halves. That's not how it works. But I've also noticed that girls tend to do this more often than boys-let go off themselves for their partner's sake. I have done it. My girl did it (infact we BOTH did it, bizzare!) and she did the same when she was in her previous relationship as well.
But I am quite proud of the way I've handled myself, except for a few misses here and there. I did take revenge on an ex for fooling around with someone while I was out of town, by breaking up with him and making out with two of his best friends and then subjecting him to the pain of listening to them go on and on about how great I was and all that when I was 14. But I STILL don't regret it. He started the cheating first. I guess it was a lame thing to do and the fact that I had been conned before didn't help either, it just brought out the sheer evil in me.
Stuff like that happens.
He got over it, eventually. We're friends till date.
Next up in the list would be my epic relationship with you-know-who, but even during the darkest of the days, I couldn't get myself to cheat on him. I don't know what made me stop, I think it was the fact that I had an enormous amount of respect for him and for the sanctity of our relationship. We had lost our modjo, but nothing was worth tainting what we once had and I am so glad that I stuck to it and so did he. When things got really bad, we were on a break. I wanted him to be with other people and see if he felt the same once he came back to me. He didn't. I pursued my own goal of finding the lost me again. I did. It ended at that.
Yes, so when I was single and I swore to remain so, till I got my act together, Retard found me. What started off as lust for him (clearly!) and another random act of mindlessness for me turned into something a bit more meaningful and we didn't even realize till it was almost over.
To think of it now, what made me take him so seriously that day? He had always made it quite clear that he was fond of me, not taking into consideration that he tried to camouflage his lust by using the word 'infatuation', but still. What made him say those words, as we looked at each other that day? Why was I so overwhelmed?Why did I reciprocate the way that I did?
I don't have any answer.
Sometimes you just have to trust yourself and trust your better half and go with what your soul wants.
Despite having been cheated on, retard trusts me. When he becomes a drama king and tells me that he's scared that I might just have a crush on one of my female friends, just because I'm texting them or something, I know that he trusts me. I'm quite proud of him for that actually, not bringing in baggage from his past into our relationship.
But on the other hand, even after being subjected to deceit of the highest order. I think I'm fairly brave too. I can close my eyes and trust that boy. Yeah, I could also call myself an ignorant fool for making myself vulnerable to a whole lot of heartbreak. But if there's something that I have learned so far in my 18 years on earth, it would be the fact that no matter what, shit happens. You can't complain or stop just because of a broken heart. You have to put every single piece back together on your own, let the wound heal and then wait for someone else to take it from you and hope that you don't suffer the same fate again.
Towards the starting of our relationship, a lot of things went wrong. The long forgotten ex-s and the why-s cropped up. I guess you can blame it on Murphy's law. People from Retard's past cropped out of nowhere. My ex fuck buddy, who wasn't even in town landed up randomly at my doorstep, wanting to officially "end things", but again, I handled myself well. I hope Retard did too, even if he didn't, like I said, it doesn't matter to me. It's scary how much I trust him but I guess I'm willing to take that risk.
(This bit is for you babe)
So yeah, like we talked about, I really have no clue what I would do if you were cheating on me. I wouldn't take someone else's word for it and if it is you. who confesses. My heart may be broken into a thousand and one million little pieces, but I'll put every single piece back together by myself and try to live with it. I can't say that I'll stop loving you, that's just stupid. You know me better than that. My world may crash and burn and come to a stop. But then again, if you don't have the slightest consideration of how your actions may affect me, I don't think you should bother about me. I'll pretend like nothing ever happened.
And yes, I don't think I've said it and you know how much PDA repels me, but anyway, in case you didn't know already, when you look into my eyes, you probably feel the way that you feel because my vulnerability shows, my vulnerability which I try to hide from you.I feel exposed in front of you-like you know me stripped down to my bone. It's a scary feeling because the consequences will be VERY bad if this ends the wrong way. I have been quite the gambler and I'm willing to take another chance...I don't care about anything else but you. I don't love you back. I love you.
I should have said this on that fateful day itself, instead of fucking things up. I should have done and not done a lot of things. You should have done and not done a lot of things. But all that doesn't matter now, to me atleast.
Like I said, it doesn't matter. I love you. I don't expect you to say anything in return. I love you unconditionally. It doesn't matter if it's one way or both ways.
PS-What happened to that ex-fuck buddy of mine? His girlfriend caught him and her friend fooling around. They broke up. In fact it was only after being dumped that he realized what she meant to him. But she won't take him back. He's in deep shit.
What happened to retard's past? One I think put up all that nonsense just for the attention, I don't know her personally but since this is a small city, she's just about fine. In fact I thought she was quite fascinating, I'd love to get to know her. I have a feeling that we'd both click quite well as friends.I hope I get introduced to her soon, we'll have quite a bit to talk about actually since her world didn't come to an end after all. And the other person who doesn't stay here...well,it's a small city, word spreads pretty fast, she's getting back what she did to him for whatever her reasons may be.
Hickies don't lie.
