Once A Pessimist, ALways A Cynic

I don't really understand why people should be judged during their worst phases in life. I believe in quite the opposite, I feel that it is during one's phase of success that the inner monsters come out-for the world to see, but the world is too busy to notice.
I have been through the drill without even realising it. It's just that when you're observing someone else, the picture becomes clearer.
All my life (and I can put my hand on my heart and say this) I've always lent a helping hand to those in need, during their times of trouble. Be it people who are close to me or mere acquaintances, but very few have remembered me during their good times. The worst part is that it's generally the people who you think you're the closest to, who treat you like second class citizens once they're done needing your help-be it emotional, financial or any other.
Over the last few months I've noticed this mean, ruthless streak grow in me.  just don't feel like helping anybody, even though I know I can. I feel terrible about it too. But my head asks me to recollect all the times when I've trusted blindly and have been duped. So I land up turning the other cheek.

The world that I live in, is making me a mean, cynical and cruel person with each passing day. It's not my fault. As Darwin would put it, it is the survival of the fittest.

Battle Royale isn't too macabre a concept. At this rate, I wouldn't be surprised if similar policies are introduced by the governments across the world (if they remain at all). It's just a matter of time. The Apocalypse isn't too far away my friends!

In And Out. Out And In.

Sometimes I get tired of being the wallflower, it hurts to be in the background all the time. I am usually not the kind who usually complains, but sometimes, just sometimes, I want to be someone else's first priority too.
It's probably because I've conditioned myself to feel in a certain way regarding certain things, which is why I hardly feel any form of emotional pain anymore. That certainly isn't a good thing. It may make me feel invincible, but it also makes me feel like an outsider. It makes me feel as though I'm one big unwanted piece in the world's puzzle.

The reason why I never let pride get the better of me is because at the end of the day, I have nothing to be proud of really. I'm as replaceable as anyone can be.

Trade me for somebody else- be it at work, college, relationships etc and nobody would probably even notice the difference. My existence is probably that superficial.

Sex is so deceptive.
In and out.
Out and in.
Such a motherfucking lie.