Early Birthday Present part II

(refer to the older post for the first 7...)

8. I don't just do things to be "cool"..but in reality, very honestly, I AM like that. Take the piercings for example, I got them because I am a sick twisted individual who enjoys gratification through pain. It makes me a masochist, but I don't really think that I give a fuck!

9. I don't have a fetish for porn. Contrary to what a lot of you may think, I am quite disgusted by it actually. However, I do have a crush on Jesse Santana, hence the overdose of gay porn clips in my hard disk!

10. I am a sucker for good lyrics. No I DON'T care how brilliant the solo is...give me good lyrics and I'll be addicted to the damn song forever.

11. I kiss and tell and I do it quite unabashedly.

12. I think I'm really in love with Edward Cullen. Damn you Stephenie Meyer!!!

13. Sometimes I really feel like running away and starting life afresh in some new place where people wouldn't judge me just because I am an open-minded person and do things my way.

14. I cried the day MJ died. I don't know why, but I did..

15. I am a procrastinator. The mere fact that this follow-up post took me so long to post speaks volumes of my procrastination, doesn't it?!

16. I started to appreciate Anthony Kiedis and RHCP AFTER I read his book. The funny thing is that I didn't even take any interest in it before I forced myself to start reading it. Whereas, I bought Clapton's autobiography on the same day, came back home and started to read it...but I haven't finished it till date!

17. The number of times that I have watched Fight Club, Requiem for A Dream and Cruel Intentions is scarily unhealthy, but I will continue to do so till some other better movies come my way!

18. Thank god this is over!!

Avoid. The Void.

I am convinced that I am going crazy, i.e, losing whatever little is left of mind with each passing day.

I look outside the window-it's raining. The monsoons would always make me happy earlier, but now they just remind me of how big a failure I really am.

Love.

It's always about the love.

The love that my parents never really gave me when I was a child.

The love that I could feel for them.

They love me and I love them now, but it's not the same. The damage has been done.

It's always about the love.

The love that my friends exchanged for jealousy and selfishness as we grew out of playing with dolls.

I can't love them or forgive them anymore. I'm not that big a saint.

It's always about the love.

The love that he promised to shower me with while he raped me. Repeatedly.

The unfulfilled love and the appreciation and the approval that haunts me till date.

The more I run away, the more they catch up with me...it's not about the sex and the drugs and the i-don't-give-a-fuck-attitude...there's more to me than that.

I am not all that strong, I just pretend to be.

Shielding my true-self from others makes me happy and at the same time, it also makes me feel secure. I'm safe from this cruel cruel cruel world when I am in my shell. No one can come close to me-I won't let them.

I hide in my shell so that nobody can neglect me..nobody can betray me...nobody can abuse me. Is that a very wrong thing to do?

My Girl...

I was hooked to her the minute she set her doe shaped eyes on me. If only I could tell her what was on my mind-I'd tel her that I'd forever treat her like a princess. All she had to do was to trust me..

I looked at her longer than than I should have that day, it landed me in trouble. But it also landed me in paradise.

We moved closer. The spot on her chin, rubbed my finger against it. I held her by the chin. I looked at her lips, which were drawing me closer to her.

I touched my lips with hers at first. She reciprocated. I felt her hair. I felt the excitement rise in her. She held me by my waist. We kissed.

We kissed.

We kissed.

We kissed.

We kissed some more.

I nibbled her ear. I felt her caressing me. I kissed her neck. I felt goosebumps on my skin, she felt them too. She rubbed her hand over them. She felt the tension in my body rise.

We kissed.

We kissed.

We kissed some more.

Gentle as a doe...that's how I will always remember her...My girl..

*sigh*

The finish. The start.

The broken heart.

The broken home. The wasted youth.

The lie and the truth.

The pain and the bliss.

The first kiss.

The first. The last.

The present and the past.

Now. Here.

The lost, lonely tear.

That I fight alone.

With nobody to call my own.

I waste away in solitude...