Realisation happens at a 1am cab ride home alone, when you're high as a kite, wired out of your mind etc etc.
There's nothing you can do but cry it out once you get back home maybe.
Your heroes tell you that your new songs aren't infact shit, as you were dreading. You feel temporarily satiated. But next what? It doesn't take away from the fact that you're on your own, completely alone out there. You literaly have no love in your life, everything is just a formality.
You fall in love with men who promise you the world and ultimately break your heart. They abandon you at the first opportunity you get. "Stay strong", you tell yourself. But then what?
You're still alone, even though you've tried so hard to adapt yourself to their needs
I tied a noose around my fan and thought of ending it today.
I don't know how much longer I can fight the feeling to kill myself.
My depression has reached a new peak. I think this is it for me.
Honestly, I just want to record these new songs I've written.
The leave.
I think I've sufficiently expressed my state of mind.
Ian Curtis was my age when he off-ed himself by the noose.
My time is up when I am done recording these new songs.
This world has been cruel for me.
My heart is too broken to recover, possible.
I need to go now.
Goodbye, world.
