We're watching the stars, the sky is cloudless and the moon is bright.The sea is calm.
Who would have thought.
No really, who would have thought.
It happens all so quickly.
Here I am fighting all these feelings and he sees right through me.
His accent is thick and his voice is low. I don't understand the words but I understand what he's saying.
Magic.
I should probably pinch myself to see if this is real.
Do I deserve this? Do I really deserve this?
It's funny how I've become so cynical with time.
My wounds have healed, but they've left such a bitter taste in my mouth.
I'm used to being violated, roughed up, beaten and worse, discarded post coitus.
And yet I feel most scared when someone shows me love.
It's a little bit sickening, my inability to choose what is good for me.
The drugs don't help.
The random fucks don't help.
Nothing helps. I am going quite mad.
Isolation.
Maybe that'll work?
I feel shame, guilt.
He is so pure, so beautiful.
I not only break his hard and leave him stranded but I have the nerve to fall for someone else immediately after who turns out to be just like the others. What did I even see in him? He was a generic handsome person. But he had no love for me, no love. Only his dick.
I am a special kind of stupid I guess.
But I don't deserve to rekindle our romance, I have damaged him far too much. It amazes me how gracious he still is with me. He is not hostile, not angry. He only means love.
How did I fuck it up so badly.
I want to be brave like him, full of love like him. He's a gorgeous soul.
All I want is for him to find someone or something special again so he can love them like he loved me.
My beautiful, beautiful boy.
The most gentle, the most innocent.
Men come, men go. But he will always be special.
Not a conquest, not a story.
But someone who taught me to let go and love.
My lover, my salvation.
