Sweetest Taboo

I think about you sometimes these days, now that I am alone.
Your eyes.
Or rather, your gaze.
The way you looked at me and leaned in to kiss me.
Your chin.
The hair that fell on your face.
Your flavoured lip balm.
Your soft lips.
The softest lips I have ever kissed.
Your gentle body.
The goosebumps on your skin.
As I made love to you for the first time.
Our first.
Our last.
And the in-betweens.

Secret kisses.
Secret love.

The way you made me explode.
The way you made me cry.
Pleasure.
Pleasure.
Pleasure
Endless pleasure.

Your beautiful neck.
Beautiful bosom.
Beautiful hips.
Beautiful soul.

The taste of you in my mouth.
The taste of you in my mouth.
Seems like a memory from so long ago.

Why did it end?
Why couldn't you make up your mind?
I would have kept you safe and you could have kept me sane.

Can he love you like I used to?
Does he know your weak spots?

Paradigm Shifts and Maintaining Your Sanity

My life's is at an unreal juncture. Musically, I'm achieving all the little goals that I had in my head. And yet it does not heal me. I have a gig, a pretty major one, a week from now featuring the best musicians and the best music that has come out of Kolkata recently. I still don't know how I figured, how my songs figured in that list. It's somewhat nerve-wrecking having to sing songs by songwriters who I have admired and idolised all these years. I am super nervous. I am super excited. But the melancholy grips me like a blanket on a cold day. 

What am I doing wrong? Am I not working hard enough? Why am I in so much pain then?

All these opportunities that come my way, what good are they when my soul refuses to come out of the dark abyss that it's taken refuge in. 

Courtney Killed Kurt

Shallow lives, shallow sense of self

"We're on the map, yeah"

"We've made it"

Look at all these shiny people.

Look at their opulence.

Their quick wit.

Their seductive ways.

"We're on the map, yeah"

"We've made it"

They eat off our palms now.

They fill our heads with praise.

Shallow shallow shallow shallow.

So shallow.

Nauseatingly sweet.

Unnatural.

Be the Love of my life.

Bring me down.

Tear me apart.

Devour me whole.

Kill me.

Kill me please.

Kill me before I kill myself.

I cry and cry and cry and I laugh sometimes.
How could my life possibly get any worse?
Every living being that I love and one that loves me back dies on me.

Do you know how broken a mother feels when her baby dies on her?

My loss is so deeply personal.
Nobody can help me recover from this.
I am alone.
All alone.
All those who claim to "love" me are just vultures.

There were good days and there were bad

it didn't matter in the end

the hole in her heart

is where her demons hid.

So strong, to the world

So fierce and brave

The little girl grew up fast

Learnt never to love again.

They cut her 

They burnt her

Yet she lived

It was her curse

The only way out of her hell was indifference