So deep inside of me,

I wish you stay forever. 

Cold Cold Man

I can't see into the future,

A future, 

any future.

How did it get so incredibly difficult to navigate?

I want to close my eyes, stay in bed, hold him and sleep. Keep me safe from my nightmares, even if it's only a temporary solution.

I like how we're both so sober and he'll kiss me down there for hours. Not to return some sort of a favour but because he genuinely enjoys my taste.

So wet, as I run my hands through his grey, salt & pepper hair. He'll lick me clean again and again, I'm in paradise.

Later, he'll hold my hand when he's deep deep inside of me. I don't want to listen to what he whispers into my ears. 

In my mind I want him to be a cold, cold man so I don't fall in love.

But he isn't. He'll kiss me long after we've finished. Together. Oh no, why can't he make things easy for me and be some sort of a charming villain instead? 

Choose

I know you want to fuck me, there's nothing more to it than that. You're a decade older, my body is firm and tight in all the right places.

But you're never going to allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to make love to me now would you?

I like sleeping in his arms, he holds me tight and I feel secure like a child. He hugs my abandonment issues away.

You're so fucken Brian Kinney when all I really want is a Mike to my Phoebe 

"boyfriend"

Modern day relationships are hard. Harder still if you don't like conventional things and patterns. 

I hate the "what are we" cloud that looms over when you start spending a lot of time with someone. I guess I've been so busy having affairs and fairy tale romances that I've forgotten what the correct dating etiquette is.

My brain goes into panic mode when we start to fight. "Why am I fighting with him, he's not my boyfriend...but he is, isn't he? Oh shit!"

I haven't done this for so long, for fuck's sake, I don't do boyfriends, I have lovers. Sure, I'm telling myself that under my breath but the moment he arrives I know we're back to doing coupley things like cooking and lazing and fucking and cuddling and sleeping and that. 

I won't lie to myself but he feels more like a partner than just a lover, a muse. There's something about the sex too, I feel like I could let this one be a longer story than I'd originally anticipated. 

But oh well, what do I have to lose, I'm in love and that makes all my anxiety go away. 

Lover, Come Back Reprise

I miss feeling lightweight, carefree and soulful.

I miss you, I really do.

I let my mind wander, relive lazy days of monsoon, snuggling on my makeshift bed.

The city's dull, everything's all wrong, my heart is not in it anymore.

When you come back I'll shower you with kisses and cuddles and everything sugary sweet.

And even when you insist, I won't let you go..