Ghost

I dig and I dig, his face crops up in one of the pictures. His facebook profile no longer exists, so I can't send him my periodic rants like I would. His best friend in the whole wide world-gone three years now, why does his facebook account still exist? I see people post messages, share their news with him like he still exists.

They're gone.

Brothers before lovers, it seems.

Good choice.

Too bad it wasn't me.

He's not waiting for me, he really is gone.

Everything has changed.

All the memories are starting to fade and I feel so ashamed.

The ladies' washroom upstairs at Olypub no longer exists.

In fact I don't even go to drink at Oly any more.

Our pot dealer is quite possibly dead.

I don't smoke weed anyway, it's been quite some time since I last did.

I can no longer smoke chillums, it hurts my throat.

I have mastered the art of rolling joints though.

Our restaurants are no longer the coolest ones in town.

Nobody uses MSN or Yahoo messengers anymore.

I don't have any curfews. I feel like an adult, but not quite. 

Pujas are the worst. 

I miss him the most during the pujas. We'd keep bumping into each other, like the pujo miracle of sorts, little did I know that it was life's one of many cruel jokes on me.

The CCD near my house has shut down, shifted to a new location further down the road.

The bench near it we once sat on is gone, broken beyond repair.

As is my heart.

This Loss,

So deeply personal.

Loss.

Love.

Loss.

Everything is broken.

Every memory seems fuzzy and disconnected.

But I remember the way you'd look at me, comfort me.

Love.

So much love.

That strange reality check. Of being replaced.

So I retreat further back into my shell. It's time to put on that mask again. Be a warrior for the world to see.

"tor bari bhoot hoe ashbo and finish that long forsaken desire..."

I am the girl who survived it all.

Sex like Lenny Kravitz-Fly Away. Yum.

Sex like The Rolling Stones-Rain Fall Down. So yum. 

Always finish with Led Zep.