Reeling, Rewinding

2015 has gone by rather quickly now that I sit to think about it. I still remember the first day of the year, having sex for the last time with an ex boyfriend who I was in love with at the time. But I knew it was the end for us, he made me orgasm one last time.

My heart broke into a million pieces, I knew I never would be able to heal. I was right. But I carried on nevertheless. With all my strength, I carried on.

Many roads led to many places and many memories. So many. Beautiful souls, beautiful moments, with me now, in my head forever.

But then he came and broke me, another one. Now his face is a blur. The moments are a blur. 

Inconsequential, mediocre. 

And yet he broke me down, he did and how.

I've lost myself in other lovers since. 

It doesn't help, only makes me hate myself more.

Binge. Binge. Binge.

I've been nailed to this crucifix.

The consequence of my death cannot be so inspid. 

I want to share, spread all this love that I have inside of me.

If I go would you miss me?

Would you ever think of me?

You're the pretty boy who's so cool. 

You're the exotic one.

You're the friend.

You're the boy who's obsessed with me.

You're the man who drives me insane.

They all drive me insane. 

I want to heal them all.

The good souls, only slightly misguided.

Being alone, being lonely.

The yin and the yang.

It makes perfect sense, I know now.