Driftwood

We are all terminally ill people. In our own ways of course. Everybody has some kind of a disorder, some are aware of it while most others aren't. I think that is what makes us so unique as individuals. I can safely say that there is NO ONE on earth who is *just* like me and you, my reader, reading this will probably feel the same way too-there can be no one who's just like YOU. There can be people who are similar to you, but not exactly like you and if you disagree well then,

a) I don't give a fuck, This is my blog and I'm entitled to say whatever I feel like (hah, this always works! :P)

b) there you've found your thing- using denial, as a defense mechanism till a point when it becomes unhealthy. (hahahahhaha!!)

So anyway, I feel quite jaded at the moment. I guess I can blame it on the depression/mania like I usually do and get away with it. But you see, this is an everlasting problem. I admit that I am chicken shit and I am VERY scared of what I am capable of doing. I've been there and done that a lot of times and I know now that the only shot that I have at normalcy (?) is when I stop visiting that part of my mind.

I enjoy the mania. It's simple. It makes me happy and helps me think without complications. The depression scares the crap outta me, it really does and it's like some kind of a recurring Appocalpse, bound to happen sometime or the other-especially when you're least expecting it!

I guess I would be better off if I didn't know what's wrong with me because even though I know now what triggers off my bouts of temporary "insanity", I really can't do anything to keep myself under control.

Retard's been reading (shame on you!) my blog again lately and he casually mentioned today how my posts are becoming all sappy and boring (I used different adjectives ofcourse, he wouldn't say that to me on my face, he's not that heartless) and I couldn't help but smirk. He also tells me at times how it's so easy to make me happy. That makes me smirk even more. I don't think he'd even want to be with me if he knew about what really goes on inside that head of mine. It's a scary place to visit. I would know, I go there at times. I know you're happy now and I want this feeling to stay for as long as we're together but don't take this for granted. This can go away at any point of time!

Like a box chained to the bottom of the ocean, I have locked that part of me up and tossed it away. It will return to take revenge, but till then I have no problem in enjoying my bit of happiness. The easier it is to find, the better infact!

;)