Anyway, I was running away all this while. Running so far away from my demons and yet they kept catching up. I didn't understand why.
So I did what I had to, believe.
Have faith that fate would show me the way and somehow, in its own way, it did.
It's never easy to break out of a cycle of mindlessness and debauchery. So this time it was just the opposite.
I live for stories, I live for memories. I think that's one of the most important reasons I create and I play music.
These last two days were meeting some beautiful new people; wonderful conversation about life, love, magic, spirituality, sex and meeting a beautiful soul who showed me around town on her scooty on my birthday. It's strange how magical sobriety felt.
This was the first time in a long, long time that I did not crave for drugs, sex or rock amd roll. I wanted to find myself, I wanted closure. I wanted to move on from everything that I've gone through these last few years.
My well-wishers are many, I feel lucky to be alive and I feel lucky to receive so much love from those around me. Maybe it's not the kind of love I have been craving for lately but it's overwhelming neverthless.
I don't know if I'll ever get him to want me, make love to me again. But I know now that it's alright if he's fallen out of love. It's perfectly alright that he doesn't want me. He probably never did. It does not mean that there is something wrong with me, like I am damaged goods of some sort. It only means that I will have to wait for the best damn thing which I know the universe will give me very soon. I can feel it, it's going to come.
In the meantime I will go back to tryinh to be the best version of myself again. I was starting to give up but I know now that the world doesn't owe me anything. I can only give, I can only love.
I trust you, universe.
I believe in you.
Faith/fate.
