Warpaint

Wounds still fresh, 

I emerge from the dark,

My scars are for the world to see.

I no longer have the energy to carefully hide my ugly.

Under the makeup.

Under the false sense of bravado.

Under meaningless chatter.

I am not okay.

Perhaps I shall never be.

I've cheated worse than death,

I've cheated my destiny. 

Electric Ladyland

You have to cut the cord when the ego becomes greater than the musicality.
No shame.
Disconnect.
Hibernate.
Hit refresh, start over again.

We're all human,
learning from our mistakes,
learning every day.
We grow.
We grow into our heroes,
We grow into our demons.
Repeat the process till it's time to make an exit.

Slay like a lion.
Love like a dog.
Trust like a child.
Rebel hearts should never be tamed.

The fire in my heart burns with feverish passion.
And I will spread it, like wildfire.
One soul at a time.
Infect the whole world with my magic.

Say my name.
Say it, say it again...

There's something electric about the way he touches me.
Discovers my body, my soul.
He kisses me tenderly.
On the mouth and then on my forehead.
My lover, my salvation.

His thrusts are gentle, yet firm.
On and on and on and on.
The music stops playing.
The show goes on still.
On and on and on.

Exorcising me of my demons,
My lover, my salvation.
The king on the throne, the keeper of my heart...

The National, Insomnia

'Little blue haired girl, out in the big city.
Past full of adventures, bags still packed.
It won't be long before you set out again.

Don't think about it.
Fast-forward, don't rewind.
Don't rewind.
It'll wreck you.'

" everything I love is on the table, everything I love is out to sea.."
I shut my eyes and all I can think of is that night of listening to Trouble Will Find Me, jacked up on the worst drugs, fighting the worst depression in years.
Give me death, I pleaded.
But life has no mercy for martyrs.

Dark faces, darker souls.
I don't want to be where I am.
"and if you want to see me cry, play Let It Be or Nevermind"

Don't rewind.
Never rewind.
Let go.
But I can't.

I'm strangely obsessed.
"I have faith but don't believe it"

One moment of beauty and everything becomes dark forever.
My bad drugs.
My humiliation.
My shame.

His dick.
My mouth.
His dick.
My body.
Our secret.
My cross to bear.

What if I am.
What if I am.
What do I do?
I can't keep it, I'm too young, still a child.
Or at least in my head I am.

Maybe if I shoot more up, it'll cause my body to reject it.
I am in denial.
I have been in denial for over two weeks now.
My friends are worried.
"I'm not alone, I'll never be. And to the bone, I'm evergreen."

Don't rewind.
Never rewind.
It's all in the past.
"Calm down, it's alright, keep my arms the rest of the night."

But fate is kind.
Yet I don't learn my lesson.
Such a strange loss.
The sigh of relief becomes a reason for heartache.
So alone, I deal with it bravely, all alone.

His dick.
His semen.
My cross to bear.

I wake up from the nightmare.
The drugs don't help, sobriety does.
I cry it out.
I cry it out.
It's okay. Everything's okay again.
Fast forward to tonight.
But I can't sleep.
My nightmares don't scare me, my past is scarier.

Drugs.
So many drugs.
Drugs that make me go crazy, drugs that make me sane.
"I'm tired, I'm freezing, I'm dumb"

I feel like a different person now, four months and many tears later.
I can never forget the sheer heartbreak though, the realisation of being all alone, fighting my battles.
It comes back.
The severe repercussions of being naive.
That's alright.
I've found my peace with myself.
It happened in strange lands, under strange circumstances.
The struggle seemed endless,
I made it through.
Lord, I made it through.
Never again.
Never ever again.

"When they ask what do I see, I say a bright white beautiful heaven hangin' over me..."

Cynicism and Sex

I picture the smirk on your face.

I know you're trying to understand what's on my mind,

Looking for a reaction.

Looking for comfort.

Looking for love.

As you thrust, sometimes slow and sometimes hard.

You're trying to figure out which one brings me most pleasure.

Because you've sensed how capable I am of strange familiarity. 

"I've never felt this way before."

Yes you have.

Yes you have.

Don't fall for it.

Don't fall for me. 

It will do you no good, it will do me no good.

I don't want to play games with you.

You're a kind soul.

It takes one to spot one.

I don't want to ruin you.

Oh, this endless self-pity.

Oh, this deep sense of mistrust.

When you're used and abused over and over again, you start to think maybe you're not worth anything at all. You have trouble coming to terms with the fact that someone really does find you beautiful, worth something. You have a hard time believing that there are no ulterior motives, you're not someone's temporary sex toy or someone's trophy for them to keep on the top shelf.

It's hard because your instincts are like that of a child. You trust unconditionally, even though your heart has been broken into countless pieces over and over again in the past

But I've always dreamt of you.

I've always believed that there will be a knight in shining armour who'll make me feel woman again someday.

Is that you?

Isn't that you?

Please don't be like the last one, a personification of all my worst fears.

You're not like the others. I know it, I just do.

I'm not asking you to love me, just be kind...

I'll be celibate till I meet you next.

Like losing my virginity all over again.

I'm yours, only yours...