I deleted my facebook account today. One step closer to the edge. I'm hanging on for the simple reason that the two people who gave birth to me will have nothing to fall back on without me around.
I'm not a coward. I just don't belong. So I give up trying to.
My apologies. My sincere apologies.
This will be my last blogpost for a while. I need some time out.
Goodbye.
I'm your average part-time God and full-time joker.
Monday, February 06, 2012
Self Hate. Hate Shelf.
It's very hard to love somebody else if you don't love yourself. It's very tough to love yourself, unconditionally. Is it even possible to love yourself unconditionally?
Not be content, but love yourself.
Will I ever?
I feel so incredibly lost at times, here I am, living the outgrown teenage dream, but what the fuck am I really doing? Is getting a degree, filling my head up with random knowledge about inconsequential things and subsequently finding a job that won't make me tear my hair out every morning, all that there is to life?
Why has my will to question, to think started to diminish? I am starting to conform to mediocrity and it's killing me. I can't go up on stage without a drink to calm my nerves these days. This, mind you, has nothing to do with the audience, but that nagging voice inside my head which is continually reminding me that I am starting to become a sell-out. I hate the road that I am going down. The worst part is that I chose, nobody forced me to.
I wish I were a little less harsh on myself at times, a little less critical. I wish I could loosen up like most people my age. I need a holiday, real bad. Either that or some really strong substance to trip on and drain the pessimism from my head, even if it's only for a while.
Not be content, but love yourself.
Will I ever?
I feel so incredibly lost at times, here I am, living the outgrown teenage dream, but what the fuck am I really doing? Is getting a degree, filling my head up with random knowledge about inconsequential things and subsequently finding a job that won't make me tear my hair out every morning, all that there is to life?
Why has my will to question, to think started to diminish? I am starting to conform to mediocrity and it's killing me. I can't go up on stage without a drink to calm my nerves these days. This, mind you, has nothing to do with the audience, but that nagging voice inside my head which is continually reminding me that I am starting to become a sell-out. I hate the road that I am going down. The worst part is that I chose, nobody forced me to.
I wish I were a little less harsh on myself at times, a little less critical. I wish I could loosen up like most people my age. I need a holiday, real bad. Either that or some really strong substance to trip on and drain the pessimism from my head, even if it's only for a while.
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