Observations: School

School life is supposed to be one of the most fulfilling phases in one's life right? Well, yes it is, unless you got to my school, which in one word can be described as HELL.
But anyway, today was my last official working day in Class Eleven, so here's a post dedicated to my observations of my classmates and my school:

• Most people are ugly and selfish, layers of kajal and lip gloss cannot hide that!
• Apart from a few, my class is dumb enough not to know the meaning of 'vote bank', i kid you not!!
• Political Science is logical and interesting. But some idiots lack the common sense to answer questions based on observation, they fail to do so EACH AND EVERY DAY!!
• The minute i get to school, I wish I could go back home..."Home is where the heart is..."
• I have a strange craving for nicotine and caffeine when i'm in school, something that i normally may not have..
• Most people are rampant cheaters. They've always cheated in everything in life, yet somehow evil always prevails over good. They never get caught!
• The cheaters and the manipulators always go far ahead in life, the honest ones do not. life is unfair, you just HAVE to accept that and move on...
• Nobody actually gives a fuck, Most only PRETEND to do so, the rest are not as good when it comes to acting, so thankfully, they don't even try!
• Thin is in. Being narrow-minded is in. Ignorance tops the list though!
• Being loud, obnoxious and bitchy does attract a lot of attention but if someone is smart, then he/she will understand how empty and shallow you actually are. It's just that my class, with it's below-average intellect fails to do so!
• There is a picture of 'Jai HanumanJi Ki' in our classroom, right above the greenboard...why?!
  

Deep Inside of You: Third Eye Blind

I feel very deeply for music. It has been a wonderful companion to me almost all my life (or whatever bit of life i have experienced so far!). Unlike most people or things, it's something that remains with you. My love for it is like an ever shining star~it shall burn for me till the day that i die, and if i am fortunate enough to compose at least one piece before i die, I'd consider myself to be very lucky!

But today, which started out as any other ordinary day went on to become the day I would finally come to terms with a lot of things that I never thought I would:
(I'm going to be a good CBSE student now and put down my observations in point form!)

1. One of the main reason why I'm so friggin' OBSESSED with music is probably because I have a whole palette of memories associated with each song that i listen to.
Association kills the joy in being able to carefully scrutinize a song, but hey what the hell, who cares about the technicalities anyway?!

This theory probably does stand true in my case because i thought of why i love Nirvana so much today, and i realized that i have a thread of inter-connected memories that i associate with Nirvana. To me, Nirvana is not just about the music, but that whole phase in my life, when i spent every single day listening to their albums continuously, amidst all the camaraderie!

Also, the fact that i felt connected to Kurt's lyrics acted as an added incentive to do all that i really did and all think that i really thought.

The same...pretty much...goes for The Doors, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Soundgarden and Radiohead as well.


2. Though i hate to admit this, but as a kid, I was madly in love with the Backstreet Boys and a part of me still is. My life in the mid 1990's were all about innocence, i was innocent. I did not know of the cruel ways of the world. The Backstreet Boys' music was innocent and young, it was devoid of any underlying complications...just like my life back then. Sweet. Upbeat. Happy. Maybe a little stupid, but very cute.


3. Most boys would like to have sex with me, at least the ones who know me and have met me in flesh and blood. They think of me as a 'readily available slut who you can diddle whenever you want to'. I have come to terms with that and "quite frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!"

Yes, i have been through a crazy-hormonal period when I've felt the need to get laid by boys and i so have. I don't see anything wrong with having sex with a male friend if you're not going out with anyone. Sex is not just about love, all that is just crap that Hindi movies show to make money! Sex is a bodily function and if you label me as a slut just because i enjoy good sex and have no qualms in talking about it, then that really isn't my problem now, is it?!

Yes by the way, this was when i was introduced to Led Zeppelin.


4. No matter how many people i may surround myself with, at the end of the day, I'm still alone as hell and nobody really can understand me completely. Nobody knows me better than I know myself and when people say that they know better than I know myself, i feel like spitting on/ blowing smoke in their face!

This attitude was heavily influenced by punk/alternative stuff like Marilyn Manson, Greenday, Blink 182 and the like...


5. Sappy pop songs STILL hold a very special place in my heart. I mean c'mon, how many of us haven't really fallen for stuff like 'I'm Like A Bird' by Nelly Furtado?! (it's currently playing on my music player, hence the mention...:)

This brings me to yet another self-discovery, no matter how bitchy/mean/slutty/cool/liberal/rational and practical i may think myself to be, at the end of the day, I'm still soft under all those intelligent layers which try to cover up this fact!


6. Last but the definitely not the least:
Music was something that was imbibed in me when i was a toddler, by my parents, for which I'm deeply indebted to them.
All those afternoons of Rabindrasnageet actually did help a lot in getting to know the feel of music.

Rabindrasangeet/Baul/Indian Classical/Western Classical opened new doors for me, to a world which excited me and let me continue to explore deep within it, even after all these years and so just like little Alice, I too took a journey down the rabbit hole and the experience not only changed my life but made me who I am today!

"If music be the fruit of love, play on..."

I'm sad. I need to cry. Now.

I need to get out all the emotions that are currently bottled up tightly inside of me. I really don't know what(or is it how?) to feel anymore...There's a constant feeling of helplessness that lurks all around me. It's killing me, slow and steady.

My heart feels like stone, there is a sinking feeling in my stomach and my brain is torturing me on purpose by flashing random memories that are brimming my eyes with tears~of sadness and not of joy.

I hate feeling this way, i want to cry and more importantly, i want to end the pain that i am being subjected to mercilessly...
I hate this sinking and throbbing feeling of utter helplessness...

I need a hug, and some assurance that all will be well, is that too much to ask for?!