Ewwwwwww!

Yes.

I

hate

you

CBSE

My

relationship

with

Political

Science

is

over.

I got dumped for a change.

But seriously,

who

sets

these

friggin

papers?

Do

they

even

read

the

texbooks?

Are

they

stupid?

Or

just

plain

sadistic?!

Love, Sex Aur Dhoka

This post has nothing to do with the title, there's this really catchy trailer of a movie called LSD that the music channels have been playing CONSTANTLY and so it's sort of stuck in my head!

:( :(

(which is also a clear indication of the fact that I'm watching too much television, that too random shit like back to back episodes of CID (!), reruns of GG, LA Ink and all possible re-reruns of FRIENDS!)

See, THIS is what my life has come to thanks to these stoopid stoopid stoopid (notice the spelling of stupid?) examinations. It's so abnormally normal that it makes me want to drown myself and die. But staying alone at home almost all my life has taught me to keep myself entertained somehow. Retard and I spend a majority of our time in my room these days but that's a luxury that will soon be over once these exams begin, so we're ensuring optimum utilization of opportunity, and no, I'm not just talking about humping around, if that's what you had in mind. We may be horny, we're not sex addicts (yet!)

But that apart, I'm fucking my system up by not sleeping (no choice!), not exercising and eating all wrong. Which reminds me, my current diet would make dietitians want to hang themselves and adolescent girls cringe in horror. But where the fuck are all the calories going?

This is almost seems like a Scotland Yard case now-The Case Of The Disappearing Calories!

The rate at which and the quantity of absolutely unhealthy and fattening food that I have been eating would have made any normal person put on atleast 5-6 kilos. But even THIS is abnormal in my case-I'm losing weight on the contrary and at this rate, I'll probably disappear from the face of this earth! (Boy, some people sure would like that!)

Nevertheless, I don't care if I look like a stick. I love me for who I am. I don't believe in weight gain/loss diets, pills and all that jazz. Every person is beautiful the way they are and I'm not just saying that for the sake of it.

Retard may disagree with this one, but at the end of the day, it *is* what's inside that counts. I don't think he'd love me the same if I were a bimbo with a "better" figure and I don't think he'd love me any less if my face wasn't the way it is now. But hey, to each his own, right?

I don't judge by the appearance and I don't intend to change that about myself anytime soon, unless of course someone promises to take me back in time and give me the opportunity to spend a day with Cobain...mwahahhahahhahahahhahahahahhahaaa!!

(evil laughter, in case you missed the point! :P)

PS-See I told you how jugding by the appearance can be misleading, does the post have any fuckin connection with the title afterall?! :D :D

BFF

Where the fuck would I be without you? You may not be aware of it but you've helped me deal with so many things that if I start making a list, it'd take me forever.

You've been my shoulder to cry on. You've been that one 3AM friend who's never let me down. I know that BFFs are supposed to know each other for a long period of time (read forever) and I've not known you for very long but as cliched as it may sound, I feel like I've known you forever.

You're that one person who I can turn to in both happiness and sorrow.

You're that one person who'll be on my side when things go wrong instead of the I-told-you-so ritual.

You're that one person who is honest to me.

You're that one person who doesn't judge me.

You're that one person who doesn't pretend like he cares, just for the sake of it.

He's broken my heart into a million little pieces.

Crushed my dreams.

Torn my dignity apart.

Made me want to hurt myself so that the pain goes away.

Over and over again.

Maybe he's just like the others.

But that's okay, I'll get over it.

I always do, no matter what.

I may not have the strength to go through this on my own this time.

But you're there, fighting with me.

And that's a good enough reason for me to be able to sleep peacefully at night.

All said and done, maybe this isn't such a bad thing after all. At least I can count on you to cello-tape the wounds for me from time to time.

Thank you, for the little everythings, the little somethings and even the little nothings...

Down That Hole

There's this neat Polo commercial that goes like,

"People fall in a hole.

People fall in love.

Love is a hole."

Or something like that.

Yeah, love sure is a hole.

It stopped being about the pride for him.

It stopped being about the dependence for me.

People are changing so fast these days that it's not funny. I am not saying that I am an exception to this. I'm a part of it too, very much a part of it.

I'm walking a thin line between success and destruction. A very thin line. It's quite scary actually. But as Black Ninja puts it, you just have to take a chance at times. He intends to quit education to pursue music. It's scary. But then again, he's got so much potential that it's only fair that he takes one shot at it at least.

If you don't take that leap of faith once, you'll probably regret it forever and being the person that I am, I'd rather repent DOING something than repent not having done it at all, for what it's worth.

It's very much like those theatre workshops where you have these trust-building exercises. You have to let go and trust yourself/the other members of your team, you'll never progress otherwise.

And this sort of reminds me how much I used to love theatre till school almost made me hate it. It's a different feeling altogether, it's not just a show, it's a process. In theatre, you don't act. YOu don't pretend. You BE, you REACT. You can be anybody once you set your mind to it. I had dramatics in school from class 6-11 and those classes in a way shaped me into who I am today. Long before the fancy theatre workshops and the theatre competitions, came those dramatics classes with Sir K.

He never taught us a thing. We learnt everything from him. I was a shy, reserved and unsure kid but he moulded me into the confident person that I am today. I may have a lot of things going for me now, but there are double the amount of things that are not working for me and theatre taught me to overcome all that.

Life is like theatre too. we're acting out so many different roles to our best abilities. But theatre is not just about acting. There are so many aspects of a proper production-script, lights, sound, props, costume, background, stage formation etc etc...every minute detail comes together to form one big production.

I have almost given up theatre now, due to a few reasons but now that I think of it, I shouldn't let go of something that I love so much till I stop loving it. There were a whole bunch of deterrents before but I'm willing to start afresh everyday.

Music has always been my first love but theatre is something that I enjoy being a part of and this is because music comes naturally to me, but I really have to push myself-both mentally AND physically in order to do it right when it comes to theatre.

I can be Holden Caulfield. I can be a drug addict. I can be a dumb blonde. I can be a smart-ass reporter. I can be an animal.I can be a jaded terrorist. I can be a retarded child. I can be a larger than life criminal. I can be a seductress. I can be an ugly old fag. I can be a closet homosexual. I can be a victim. I can be a victimizer. I can be god. I can be anything. That's the magic of theatre.

Mirror:Just Because You Can't Get Any

I've noticed that most people who bitch/lash out at others without reason are the ones who can't get any, much like a new age version of the 'Grapes are sour' syndrome. But let the barking dogs be, they're tire and shut up eventually. Till then, despite the inconvenience, I've got my earplugs on!

:)

It's almost criminal how I'm neglecting my porashona these days. Three more fucking days and the godforsaken 'Bored' examinations start. With the stunts that I pulled off this academic year, I can almost *feel* the disastrous results that await for me in May. Fuck. There's not much I can do now. I fucked my academic karma real bad, even though it was all for a cause, but still.

Fuck.

When the fuck did I become so obstinate?

I used to be a sincere student, well sort of. This time I've taken sloth/escapism to a whole new level. Fuck.

I need to hit the books, I think (?)

Sometimes you feel like hitting people.

Sometimes you feel like kissing people.

Sometimes you feel like hitting AND kissing people.

Or kissing and hitting.

Whichever works better.

Heh.

The fact that a lot of people who know me personally are reading this blog is sort of intimidating. There is so much I would like to say, but have to keep shut about.

Not fair.

Don't read the blog.

It's stupid.

Who reads blogs these days anyway?

Retards are more entertaining than crazy people.

Crazy people are just plain scary.

But retarded crazy people sort of belong together.

Or so I think, even if it's just for a bit...

It's like getting a tattoo, you have a thought or an idea that you base your design on (something that you'd want in your body forever, mind you) and carefully work on it and once you're done, you are supposed to fall in love with it the minute you see the design. If you hesitate, you probably shouldn't get it, it's a bad idea. the first instinct is usually always the right one.

I'm stoked about how after months and months of irritation, frustration and heartbreak, I finally have a fateful piece of paper which has JUST that I had in mind, capturing my concept/ideals so subtly but accurately . I wont talk about it till I get it. But it should be fun, I haven't been to my Favouritest Tattoo place ever since I got the Cobain piece. Let's see if anything eventful happens this time, cause the last time that I got inked, I had a late night gig the night before and hitting Oly after the tat was done turned into one helluva day. It was on that particular day that we got kicked out of Oly-thus achieving the impossible!

Bwahahahaha,

Shit.

I love Oly!

Polythene Dreamscapes

Like bunnies on cocaine.

Copulation.

Emancipation.

Salvation.

You get some.

You want some more.

The best you've ever had?

The best you've ever had, yeah.

If I'm gone, who'll make you explode,

with just her tongue?

Okay so except for my whole Houdini act, yesterday's show was supposed to be one belonging to the 'better side'...but even then, I think we were a whole lotta crap. I mean it's SOMEPLACE ELSE, the Mecca of music in Kolkata. Everybody who's into music will know what that stage is worth and we are a fucking regular, main band there. People have a certain amount of expectations from us and I don't think we're doing justice to what we have or maybe we're taking things for granted.

I don't mean that we are doing so individually, but this is the attitude that reflects our band at the moment.

I went for practise yesterday after nearly a month and I was quite sad. With time and with practise one tends to improve. Heck, even if they don't, the progress remains constant, but we are fucking digressing instead of making any progress. The vibes were so strange, like a huge silent battle going on between Black Ninja, Guitar God Kaku and Mama Kaku. And so it was a little stupid of me to expect a miracle on stage. But anyway, I'm hardly fit to complain. I know that right now, I'm probably just all hype. Musically, I'm a big nothing. But I'm working to get there. I am.

So if today other God Kakus and Aunties and Boys and Girls are giving nice reviews about me, it's all because of my band. The day I went and auditioned, I was absolute rubbish, but they had the patience to train me to be where I am today. So I'll always be grateful to them for that.

Let March pass, let me get back into action in April, things will change. For the better. We will make them.

These vile thoughts in my head

I can't just shoo away,

But since you've found me out,

are you willing to play this game?

Don't be a bitch.

Don't be a bitch.

Don't be a bitch.

Be my bitch.

(M)Alice

Everybody thinks they're perfect.

Are they even close?

the juxtaposition of life and death.

It's all just an anagram, really.

Hit me and I wont feel a thing.

Kiss me and you give me goosebumps.

"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together." -Lennon

The carpenter was the good guy, the walrus was the bad one.

The oysters died a slow and painful death. Deceitful death.

Much like his dreams,

Dying every morning as he wakes from slumber.

The gods have spoken.

But they're only in our heads.

The beads of sweat on your firm, naked body.

Strong hands.

The hands of a child. The hands of a grown up.

A talisman.

A thought.

So much gained.

But paradise lost.

Grammar Nazi

You're just like them,

You're all the same.

But a few years down the line,

will they even remember your name?

Crawl right back.

But you're only just a whore.

They use you and they throw you.

And want you know more.

So pick up the pieces

Build yourself anew.

Just change the bloody song

That's the least you could do.

I don't like posers or pretenders. May they die a slow and painful death.

I appreciate originality. You could be a jackass, but as long as you are original, you're my hero.

If you really want to stand out from the crowd, just be yourself.

You'll shine anyway.

Don't wear them fancy clothes just because they're all wearing it.

Don't talk "the talk".

Don't walk "the walk".

Unless that's really you.

It's stupid.

Who're you trying to fool?