I deactivated my facebook profile again.
I deleted apps like Whatsapp from my phone.
I don't intend to take most phone calls.

I want to sink into oblivion and never resurface.
Or maybe I want to go away forever.
I don't know.
Would anybody even care?

Ex Boyfriend

"you guys should get back together"
"you should hook up with someone else"
"you look miserable, are you alright?"

They flocked around you day and night.
Wishing you luck, wishing you well.
They gave you advice, shared anecdotes.

But nobody asked me how I was.
Nobody cared to find out if I was hurting too.

I was.
But it's not like it mattered to anybody else anyway.

All these years of knowing me, you know how bad my depression can get when I lose control of it.
But it doesn't matter to you anymore.
You don't have to care about me now, I am no longer your responsibility.

I stood alone.
Among all those people.
Not one soul cared.
It hurts to feel so unwanted.
Like vermin.
Am I vermin?
Am I that insignificant?
Maybe I am.
I was just over estimating myself.
Nothing good can ever happen to someone as horrible as me anyway.

I am sorry I have been such a burden on you.
I am sorry for thinking that you were my friend.
But I guess I was wrong, the friendship ended along with the relationship. I should have known better.

Back to square one, back to being all alone.
I can count my friends on my fingers because the numbers are so few.
That's okay.
Not everyone is lucky to find somebody.
Maybe I'll land up all alone in the future.
That's okay.
No need to cry about it.
Or maybe I could look myself up in my room and cry a little bit.
What other choice do I have when I can't dream anymore?