Death of A Dreamer.

Sometimes I need to stop, think and cry. I may feel better, but most of the time the heartbreak and the heartache remains constant, it doesn't really go away. I surround myself with people, but at the end of the day, I'm still an outcaste.

I shut my eyes and I'm all alone once again.

Nobody to embrace me.

Nobody to give me hope.

Nobody to tell me that everything will be okay.

I guess that's the price I have to pay for being a martyr at all times.

But I can't help it, that's the way I am.

Despite everything, I can't get myself to be a bitter person and brood over how I've been used by people over and over again. It's almost as though I've grown accustomed to it. The thought doesn't quite hurt anymore, not because I'm strong, but because I know that is something that'll never change.

I've been used by someone who wanted to fulfill his perverted sexual fantasies, when growing up.

I've been used by my friends who've only turned to seek solace in me during times of need.

I've been used by boys who've flaunted me as their arm-candy.

I've been used by a girl who thought it was fun to break a few hearts for fun.

I'm still being used in more ways that I am aware of.

That's the way it is.

I'm not all that smart, in fact, I'm quite the fool.

I'm a fool because I still believe that people are nice, they can be nice.

I'm a fool because I still trust others with all my heart.

I'm a fool because I still have some hope that things may change one day.

But I guess it wont.

I'll get raped, I'll get abused and I'll get used by people over and over again, till there's nothing left of me that I can give to them.

Maybe that's what's been written in my destiny.

And even then, I'll love and I'll trust with all my heart.

Not for anyone or anything else, but because hope is the only thing that I have left.

Without it, I'm a big nothing.

Without it, I'm a nobody.

I found my hope in him, but I guess I was wrong.

Then I found hope in someone else, I was wrong again.

I'll find my hope in someone or something else one day.

But till then, my hope remains in my heart.

My heart is filled with so much love, to give to someone, to anyone.

My heart is filled with love that will never end.

And if nothing or no one wants it, then I guess I'll keep it with me and die happy.

I'll die loving myself.

I don't anything.

I don't need anyone.

Just the love and the hope will do...