Creatures In The Night

Against all odds, it started it's journey.

Scaling mountains low and high.

Crossing rivers deep and shallow.

Standing up against the cynics.

Standing up against time.

Travelling across the world.

Travelling through millennia.

Travelling into the future.

I saw it last dawn.

It's shriveled up skin repelled me.

So I squished it under my foot.

I didn't move till it stopped moving.

It was lifeless.

I had killed it.

The horror!

The horror!

And now, it's corpse is just something that goes into the garbage as the maid sweeps the floor.

Because Greenery Is A Wonderful, Wonderful Thing.

When I'm locking you out,

it's not because I don't want you,

it's not because I don't need you,

it's not because I don't love you,

it's because I don't want to hurt you.

I've been there, done that too many times already,

I don't want to lose this.

I don't want to lose you.

Despite all the dark nights,

You're the brightest of the mornings that I've ever had.

I'm not bluffing.

I'm not saying things just to make you happy.

I'm not pretending to be someone else.

I'm nothing without you

It's a scary thought.

So I push it as far back into my head as I possibly can.

Don't look at me the way you do,

you make me want to stop time.

Don't hold me the way you do,

I'm getting too fucking used to you.

Don't feel me the way you do,

you intoxicate me.

I'm fucking high.

High on you.

The intoxicants are just accomplices,

You are the real nectar.

That I suck on.

That I feel in my veins.

That makes my heart beat faster.

That gets me high, yeah.

You get me high, yeah.

Take off all your clothing

piece by piece

the pretense and your inhibitions too.

You're free to be an animal now.

Wild and unconcerned.

Uncontrollably savage.

Unconditionally ferocious.

I don't mind.

Rip me apart with your teeth.

Rip me apart with your eyes.

Rip me apart with your words.

As long as you reward me with the nectar.

That is you.

As long as I can feel you in my veins.

As long as you give me a kick.

As long as you get my heart to beat faster.

As long as I'm high, yeah

You get me high, yeah.

I know when to stop

before it's too late and I'm too wasted.

I'm no addict,

just a connoisseur.

AAhh!!!
Aaaahhhhh!!!
Aaaahhhhh!!!!!!

Fuck. What a band!!

http://www.myspace.com/fivelittleindians

Check out Screaming At The Sun and You Make My World Turn To Lead to know exactly what I'm talking about.

:)

"He did it like an operatic tenor--a regular handsome
fellow, with flashing eyes and lovely moustache, shouting a
war-cry and charging like Don Quixote at the windmills. We
nearly burst with laughter at him; but when the sergeant ran up
as white as a sheet, and told us they'd sent us the wrong
cartridges, and that we couldn't fire a shot for the next ten
minutes, we laughed at the other side of our mouths. I never
felt so sick in my life, though I've been in one or two very
tight places. And I hadn't even a revolver cartridge--nothing
but chocolate. We'd no bayonets--nothing. Of course, they just
cut us to bits. And there was Don Quixote flourishing like a
drum major, thinking he'd done the cleverest thing ever known,
whereas he ought to be courtmartialled for it. Of all the fools
ever let loose on a field of battle, that man must be the very
maddest. He and his regiment simply committed suicide--only the
pistol missed fire, that's all.''

-Captain Bluntschli, 'Arms and The Man' by George Bernard Shaw.

Yes I feel like Sergius and how!

If there is any consolation, it's probably in the fact that I'm not ALWAYS a Sergius, I'm Raina too at times. Yes, reading and re-reading Shaw makes me content. Not necessarily happy, but content.

Reality Check

You build your dreams slowly.

One by one. Carefully.

Give it everything you have.

but the wind blows them all away.

You comfort yourself with the blanket,

of thoughts of them,

comforting you in times of need.

But the wind blows the blanket away.

Put your dreams to sleep.

Lay down alone in the ground.

Watch the blood rush out from your veins.

Will there be a better tomorrow?

You wouldn't know

the heartache and the heartbreak

has made you a dead man already.

You're a nobody.

Trying to be a somebody.

Will you make it?

You wouldn't know,

the heartbreak and the heartache,

has made you a dead man already...

Reason

Switch my phone off.

Unplug the wi-fi.

Turn off the lights.

Sink.

Sink.

Sink into the cradle that is my bed.

As it gently caresses me to sleep.

I won't shed anymore tears.

I won't let this sinking feeling take over me.

I won't submit to my nightmares.

Or the hurt.

And the pain that refuses to go away.

You'll never be able to make it up to me for deserting me whenever I have needed you the most.

I don't blame you.

I'm much too spoilt.

I'm much too demanding

I'm always complaining.

But not anymore.

Tonight, just for tonight

I'll hug myself to sleep.

I won't need your help, or his or her's or their's.

I have discarded the need to be dependent.

I have discarded the rose-tinted glasses which I had been seeing the world with all this while.

I have discarded everything.

Only my body and my soul remain.

I have grown up.

I have grown used to it.

I have grown used to the fact that at the end of the day, when the party is over, you're all alone.

There's no need to be sad.

Sadness is a beautiful emotion,

especially when mixed with a bottle of loneliness.

I won't take any pills.

I won't fix myself a drink or two.

I won't use. I won't get high.

I will not cry either.

I shall enjoy the melancholy and the heartache.

Paedophilia

Paint me with your blood

So I can scream

Scream my lungs out at the emptiness that you have filled me with.

I can't escape.

You'll always be watching.

I amuse you, don't I?

Little girls who act too big for their boots

They amuse you, don't they?

They turn you on, don't they?

You sick sick bastard.

You pedophile.

And you know what?

I love you.

I need to restrict what I write here. Too many people are reading this apparently, I don't know if I should be flattered or pissed off.

jai hok, the freedom of speech and expression doesn't really exist, does it?

Because.

Because I don't say anything,

doesn't mean that I don't bruise anymore.

I have found a strange strange comfort in silence.

And loneliness.

I am no longer afraid to be sad.

It still hurts like the first time,

but I'm trying to get used to it.

Pushing myself to get used to it.

But it's so hard.

Nothing can fill the void.

No one can fill the void.

I'm all alone and you're probably out somewhere with no recollection of me.

Or that evening.

I didn't deserve it.

All I wanted was to see you happy.

But at what cost, this?

Thank you for being the object of my nightmare.

You'll never really go away, will you?

Retard.

I'll never be done trying to figure you out.

You change like the seasons.

You make me run out of reasons

Why I care so goddamn much.

You complete me like no other.

Like an end to my song.

Like the right between all the wrongs

You give me hope.

I don't want you to be a better man.

I don't want you to to be a better lover.

I just want you to hold me like you do

And promise me that this is going to last for a little bit longer.

And promise me that everything will work out just fine.

When you tell me that you love me,

I don't want to say that I love you too.

Because, I love you babe...

Naagin :The Snake Charmer's Song

The vengeful queen, she

charms them all with her dance.

But tonight she shall dance for me

For I have got her in a trance.

Poison drips from her tongue.

Her eyes give you goosebumps.

On her fingers she makes him sway.

On her commands he jumps.

The vengeful queen, she

tears them all apart.

But the demon-ess that she is now

Wasn't there from the start.

They never knew what she was worth.

So she trapped them like sheep.

Feasting on their ego and lust.

Feasting on their greed.

But tonight, she is mine.

Tonight she's my harlequin.

Dance for me, my love.

Dance for me, my Naagin...

LoL is such a STUPID word. Just use 'Hahahha' or the likes you Dumbass!

Bitchy Aunty, "You're so pretty, but why so many piercings beta, you look like one of those "punks"..."

Me, "Oh, being punk is a bad thing then?"

B.A, " No no, just saying...'how many holes you have'?"

Me, "Erm, you mean piercings or holes? " *smirk*

(I watch my mother give me a dirty look, from the corner of my eye)

B.A, "Han, piercings...how many you have now?"

Me, (calculates), "Let's see, 10 and the 6...18, yea, all 18 of them.."

B.A., "Oh my, but why so many?"

Me, "Because I keep losing my extra earrings here and there, I figured why not just wear them all the time. This way I don't have to store them in a box and thus risk losing them..."

Bitchy Aunty is stunned at what a brash young woman I've grown up to become. I don't think she liked my sense of humour. The ladies circle will now have a new topic to gossip about-how Mrs. Sen, despite being such a nice person has such a rude and promiscuous daughter, with tattooes and piercings all over, who sings at a "bar", goes out at midnight and comes back in the wee hours of the morning. Haaawww, Tauba Tauba, 'what has the world come to' and all that jazz.

But whatever.

Killer shit.

wahhahahhahhahahahhahahahahahhahaa!!!!

Karmic Concerns and Other Demons

Pick me up.

Throw me away.

I'll only come back to haunt you.

I'll never really go away.

Slap me hard.

Punch me in the face.

Break a few bones.

But I'l still go ahead and win the race.

I'll blow you a kiss.

I'll crawl right back.

But don't underestimate me.

You never know when I may attack...

;)

If only he wasn't so goddamn genuine.

If only he knew how he felt about me.

Would he kill him then?

Or would he put a gun to his own head?

I'm being ripped apart.

My mind is being ripped apart.

He's playing his cards for the sake of it.

He's playing his cards because he wants to.

I don't have to choose. I know that it's him.

Yeah, he's the one.

The other 'he' is just a figment of my imagination

Or so I think...

Why Dylan, Why?

As much as it may inspire me, but Dylan is invoking all the wrong feelings and the wrong emotions in me. It's bringing out my insecurities and my inadequacies. But I just cant get myself to press the stop button. Almost 7 hours now, and he's all I've been listening to.

There is a strange masochistic comfort in his music, like an oasis amidst the deserts of chaos and heartbreak.

It's reminding me of things that I don't want to because they hurt so much.

It's reminding me of the big nothing.

It's reminding me of the void.

That I am starting to become...

Like THE Rolling Stone

I got slapped in the face by the simplicity yet the power of Dylan's music today and needless to say, I have FINALLY started to love and more importantly understand his music.

It isn't about the distortion guitars. It isn't about the complex changes in drum and bass patterns. It's not about fancy vocal lines either. It's about the ability of music to influence someone, to reach out to them, somewhere, somehow.

You could only play a few basic chords. You could make a simple melody line. The lyrics could be simple, but what you think is true to yourself. That's it. That's all that you need to make an 'anthem'.

Bob Dylan, I am positively in love with your music. I don't think you're a sell out. I don't think you're a conman and I definitely don't think that your music is anything less than brilliant. Let's face it, you're a poet. You're a vagabond. You're a nobody, a somebody and everybody at the same time. You give me hope. You give me inspiration.

But Dylan is not for everybody. You have to acquire a taste for it. You either love him or think of him as a bore, there's nothing in-between

The songs never made much sense to me when I was younger, I never could figure out what the craze about a thin man wearing fancy sunglasses, with a mouth organ and an acoustic guitar, singing with a nasal twang was all about. But that has changed since.

Today, at this moment, I can safely say that I too, have turned into another crazed Bob Dylan "fan"....

And yes, lying on my table are my mother's vintage RayBans...they're pretty much like the ones Dylan would wear. Is this a sign then? Ah, I wouldn't know, I've been too busy listening to and playing/singing his songs....

:P

From The Courtship Phase

(I found this in my previous journal and thought it was quite intense for someone who hardly gave a shit to feelings at that point of time!)

I saw her again today as I sat in comfortable silence smoking my cigarette, watching a million people and a million thoughts pass me by. I couldn't help but wonder, was she thinking about me too?

Though shorter than her, I'd love to pull her closer to me by her waist and whisper sweet nothings into her ears, just to see her smile. I'd do just about anything to see that smile again. The smile that killed me from the inside. If I went up to her and kissed her, would she feel awkward? Would she kiss me back or just be horrified? The latter seemed to be the most obvious answer. So I tried to turn my thoughts to other things, while secretly watching her every move from the corner of my eye.

He barely knew me but I could feel his love for me-it was of the undying kind. But I couldn't love him back. I had fallen in love with her already.

She was all I needed to keep me going, to keep me from going insane. I had never fallen in love with someone so badly without even knowing them properly. I didn't care about the world. I didn't care about anything but her-she was all that I needed, like an addict, craving for her drug. She was my heroin. She was my drug. I was going crazy without her.

And it pained me when one of my friends tried to make a move on her. He'd probably charm her for a day or two, sleep with her and then never call again., but I wasn't like him. (technically, i couldn't be. We had different genitals!) I just wanted to hold her in my arms and stay like that till the end of time. I wanted to be able to read her thoughts, trace her body out, every inch of it, with my eyes closed. I wanted to be able to be able to predict her every move. I wanted to be a part of her. I wanted to make her the princess of my world, if only she let me...

But tonight, I didn't do a thing. I didn't say a word. I just watched her. She hugged me and left. She left. Just like that.

(and another piece, after the "courtship" was over)

I kissed her soft lips today and it felt like I was in heaven. She seemed a little hesitant at first but she started to relax and started to reciprocate after a while. It was as though I had died and gone to heaven. I don't need anything else in the world-just her...

Creatively Consistent/ Consistently Creative

A dreamer.

A child.

A perverted boy

Gone wild.

Fade away please.

Fade to black.

Make up for the sensibilities

that I lack.

If I die tonight, will this pain go away?

If my body gives up hope,

Will my mind be willing to stay?

A memory.

A thought.

Only one battle won.

But so many fought.

Fade into oblivion

Fade from my mind

Go away please

Don't sneak up from behind.

If I die in his arms tonight, will my pain go away?

But what about him then,

will he live to see a brand new day?

A wish.

A dream.

Left out in the sun,

like strawberry ice-cream.

Fade till you vanish

Fade quickly now

Don't ask me when

Don't ask me how.

Disappear from the crevices of my mind. Just.