Crushed+Torn+Broken+Hurt

I thought i saw you that day,

walking down the alley,

with a smile on your face,

holding her by the waist,

walking slow,

in the moonlight,

the light falling on your handsome face,

looking into her eyes,

mumbling cheesy lines in her ears,

she looked like she could'nt resist your charm,

she looked happy,

she looked like she was loved,

is she your new target,


you rapist?

into the wild.

I lose myself in the depth of your eyes.
Your eyes.
Your eyes.
Telling only lies.

into the wild.
into the wild.
where we can lose ourselves.
Not in lies, but each other.

Come away with me love...

Bunny Rabbit: horny/cute/memory

This one's for you P (yeah, you!). Read carefully, it may be corny, but this really IS how i feel...


I wish it wasnt this way.
I wish i could feel you. One last time.
Before i let you go.
Before you fade away from the crevices of mind.
Before you turn to dust.
Before you forget our tryst with love and longing. One random winter evening.

I remember it like it was yesterday.
Your heartbeat at par with mine.
Your lips on my neck.
Your lingering hands.
Lust overpowering us.
The warmth of your body.
Against my skin.
That tingling sensation.
The mating of tongues.
Hands.
Minds.
Beliefs.
The conjugation of two spirits.
A solitary kiss which lead to nothing.
You and me. Aganist the whole world.
Erection. Anticipation. Paradise Lost.
Deeds done, but never forgotten.
Waste of time?


You.
You've got me tangled.
You make me feel cheap.
You make me feel like a whore.
You make me afraid. Of myself.
You make me insecure.
You make me look foolish.
You leave me disoriented.
You left me wanting for more.

Words can never make up for kisses lost.
Words can never make up for the time we wasted.

I dont belong to you.
I can never be your's.
You can never be mine.


Erasing the memory is not the solution. Cherishing is.
I like you.
Blah-ed out Kinky Bitch!
:X

As Told By Ginger

When i was a kid, i used to religiously watch this television show on nickelodeon called 'As Told By Ginger', about an orange-haired adolescent girl, Ginger Foutley, who's daily triumphs and defeats, no matter how mundane,were recorded in her journal.

She was a 7th grader, trying to find her place in school along with three of her best friends. It showed the gradual transformation of feelings of friendship to love, bringing back the innocence that is no longer associated with love.
It dealt with what it was like to live in a small town where everything was just about average...Ginger's longing for a father who she never really had. ..The love-hate relationship with her brother and the beautiful mother-daughter bonding that she shared with her mother.
It didnt preach. It didnt go overboard with the emotions that the characters experienced. It was so real that it still gives me goosebumps.

What fascinated me was the fact how much I could relate to her, although we had pretty much nothing in common. I remember getting emotional at the end of every episode. They seemed so real. They seemed to have been made especially for me. They made me cry. They made me laugh. They gave me hope.

Ginger made me believe that I could achieve everything and that nothing was impossible. She taught me to be strong and not let the world bring me down. She showed me that there was always light at the end of the tunnel. She made sadness seem like a perfectly normal emotion to experience.
But all this while,I never really realised how deep the show actually was , maybe because i was too young to do so....

But now i realise what the makers had in mind when they gave birth to her, Miss Ginger Foutley, they wanted every girl to look up to her, they wanted every girl to want to be her friend, but more importantly, they wanted every girl to find the Ginger Foutley that lay hiding inside them!

I love you Ginger.
I am you.
You are me.

Walking these streets alone

I've been walking night and day. Running. Crawling. My feet are hurting and so am I. I walk the road that will lead me to you, but it is a mere illusion. The closer that I get to you, the more you seem to move away from me.

Suicide seems like such a comforting thought. Death seems like an immense relief.
"Suicide is painless". Suicide is for cowards. I am a masochist. I take pride in being a masochist.

I bleed it out and you shall never know.
I cry it out and you shall never know.
I break down into pieces and you shall never know.
I die a thousand deaths everyday and you shall never know.
You shall never know me.

I've been thinking about you all night and day, but now it seems like such a waste of my time. My head hurts from all the vodka and cigarettes. I more i try to cling on to the memories of all the good times that we've had, the more they seem to fade away from the corners of my mind.

Smoking pot seems like a good idea. Pot is overrated.

I'm battered. bruised. broken. torn. slit into pieces.
And none seem to have any feelings left for you!

I can do SO much better anyway.

thought cloud

I thought we had it all.
I thought.
I thought.
I thought.
I should'nt have.



If i stop thinking about you, will the pain go away?
You've fucked me up.
I cant get you out of my head.



I feel cheated.
You said that you'd love me forever
and let me in on your thoughts.
What happened to all those promises?



I cant read you anymore.
You've shut me out.
Completely.
I am crying without even realising.
Shit.



I thought we were perfect together.
I thought.
I thought.
I thought.
I still do think.
I should'nt?



Is it me?
Is it you?
Is it someone else?
Is this it?

Salvation and a litte Vodka

You're a fetishisht.
You're only mine.
You're my whore.
You're so divine.

I cant get you out of my head.
Your scent still lingers in my bed.
I still feel your hands where they should'nt be.
Suck me. Fuck me. Set me free.

You're my rag doll.
Nothing more.
I love you. I hate you.
To the core.

I cant get you out of my head.
My imagination is underfed.
I want it to be one last time.
Before my slut is no longer mine.

You're my fantasy.
You're my reality.
You're my overtly-active
Sexuality.

I cant get you out of my head.
There's much to be done and much to be said.
I want to feel you like never before.
You're my angel. You're my whore...

The Joys of Being Talented but Confused.

I am 17. I have 13 piercings. I have a blue streak in my hair. I listen to good music. I play the guitar. Creativity comes naturally to me. I have an active social life.I have a loving boyfriend and two loving parents. I am bored....

And yes, i don't believe in god and i support the legalization of marijuana and same-sex unions...I have a masochistic bent of mind, i have issues and my private life is often to sole topic of discussion amongst my obviously jealous peers....

All in all, it gets really hard sometimes when you have nobody to talk to, nobody who really understands you, but at the end of the day, i'd rather associate myself with only a few people who would really enjoy and long for my company than be with those who merely want to use me as a tool...

These, my friend, are some of the joys as well as the perils of being talented but confused....:)

Not quite there yet; but getting there

I look forward to weekends, they're fun, they're two days of sheer bliss when i get to be myself and do all that I've been wanting to throughout the week...
I am an adolescent, mind it!!

But weekends can be very sad, much like the durga puja's that are up in another two weeks or so...the anticipation is killing me, so is the mere thought of them getting over :(...But till then, I'd like to keep myself happy by counting down on the number of days to go! :)

Gondogol and Gay Porn

I fail to understand why people squirm at the mere mention of gay porn, if men can fantasize about two women satisfying each other, what is the problem if i enjoy watching two hot men do the same?!

I'm not being a feminist when i say this, but it's just that it is very unfortunate that we're still living in the 18th century, in terms of sexual liberation...it's ironic that a boy, if fucking multiple women at the same time is considered to be a "stud", whereas a women who enjoys a no-strings-attached fuck once in a while gets termed as a "slut" and is looked down upon...

Though I'm absolutely committed now, 2 years back, when I had my fair share of flings, the ones you require to fulfill your carnal desires and nothing else, I was made the social outcaste, the whore, the desperate bitch...I was told that I was cheap and had a narrow mindset..but tell me, think carefully and tell me, am I cheap...or are you? Are'nt you the one who constantly points fingers at others just so that nobody will notice how starved you are? Are'nt you the one who is just jealous? Are'nt you the one who has a narrow mindset? Are'nt YOU the one who is cheap?!

Mohawk

I am a punk trapped in the body of a regular teenager.
I do not know who i am.
I am really who I think I am or am I me just to please everybody else?!

I am demented and I am not ashamed, its okay to be wierd. Wierd is different. Wierd is good...

I wish i had a mohawk though, it'd look really hot but the only problem is that everybody would hate it~ see that is EXACTLY what my problem is, I care too damn much about what people will think which is probably why i do not have the guts to do crazy things like shaving my head or jumping off my verandah anymore.

I hate this sham called 'society'.
FUCK SOCIETY!

Ignorance is Bliss

I am a nobody.

I am shallow.

I am selfish.

I mean nothing to anybody.

Nobody means anything to me.

I have no future.

I wallow in self-pity.

I swim in a sea of self-disgust.

Your eyes strip me.

I lie naked.

I lie thoughtless.

I lie unforgiven.

I do not trust you.

I do not trust myself.

I feel numb.

I feel watched.

I feel ignored.

I feel crushed.

I feel nothing.

I die a thousand deaths everyday.

I live a new lie everyday.

I pretend like i'm happy.

I pretend like i care.

I pretend like everything is alright.

I am a bitch.

I am a whore.

I am contaminated.

Stay away from me.

Lay your hands off of me.

Set me free.

Feel me.

Know what it is like to be me.

Appreciate me.

Bow before me.

Idolise me.

Fuck me.

Suck me.

Rape my thoughts.

Love me.

Hate me.

Kill me.

Forget me.

Move on.

Bury the hatchet.

Tell me your dreams.

Share your secrets.

Live my life.

Be by my side.

Be my friend.

Be my foe.

Let go.

Dont hold on to me forever.

I am not your's.

I dont deserve to be.

I never was.

I never will be.

I love you.

Till the end of time.

You are the one who keeps all my hopes afloat.

Deranged

I am weak. I am the Lord. I am the creator. I am the destroyer. I am the good. I am the mediocre. I am the urban vermin that you see. I am the night. I am infinite hope.
Stay away from me. Dont touch me. You make me feel shallow. You leave me feeling weak. Yet after all that i have been through. It is you who I seek.
Speak to me. Communicate. Laugh. Cry. Die. Live a lie.
I exist. Have you noticed?

Anything Can Happen

Looks just like yet another ordinary day.
But everything shall be taken away.
From me.
I have failed to see.
That you are not who you used to be.

My world is made up of wilted flowers.
I lie awake in your arms for hours.
And watch those stars.
Watch those cars.
And wonder if life exists on mars.

I wonder if you'll miss me if i'm gone.
Or to you am i just a pawn.
So i'll take a chance and go far away.
And let you start a brand new day.
'Cause i need to know if you're straight or gay!

Party Time Party Time Conclusion

Yes, my 17th was undoubtedly a sucess...all 14 invitees turned up and i had the time of my

life...though dry, it was quite an enjoyable experience nevertheless...yay! I have posted pictures on facebook and the like, check 'em out , here is an example:


in the picture: Shobhit, Satadri, Dipayan, Arunim, Adrija, Koel, Ishan, Sayar and Me

Blah (?!)

I'm losing my mind
I'm losing myself
I'm putting my soul
behind all else

I'm living a lie
I'm screwing up
And all i can do
is say goodbye

Party Time Party Time!

Today IS THE BIG DAY, the day of my party and i'm dressed to kill...hope it turns out smooth...watch this space for more!