Even More Resolutions

6. STOP READING THE DAMN TABLOIDS.
I have been reading the newspaper religiously for every day since class V and it's time that I stopped reading the supplementaries on entertainment that come with it instead of reading them after I've read the main paper. I can do without learning about random garbage at the start of my day. Also, Calcutta has some really ugly people who seem to feature almost every goddamn day, I could definitely do without my morning sickness that their dumbandovermadeup faces induce.

7.  EXERCISE!!!
My greatest fear is to wake up one day realising that I have a paunch and that it makes my navel piercing look like that of a cheap hooker's.

resolutions twentyfifteen

1. DON'T HAVE SEX!
I'm getting too old to be fucking someone who ultimately doesn't care about my existence. Sex is special and like any good drug, if you go overboard, you end up ruining your life as well as the trip. I wish I could go back in time and explain this to my younger and naive self. But I guess it's better late than never.

2. WRITE! WRITE! WRITE!
It doesn't matter if it's good or rubbish. I need to cut myself some slack and just write. I desperately need to get rid of this writers' block.

3. READ MORE.
Self-explanatory, this one. The last book I picked up and subsequently abandoned was Murakami's Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki. I feel terribly guilty,

4. DON'T DO DRUGS UNLESS IT'S A SPECIAL MOMENT.
It loses it's charm when you do it too often. Don't.

5. DRINK LIKE A 30-YEAR OLD.
Go easy, go slow. It's about time I started to drink in moderation. Early morning rum and a joint needs to stop. The party ended a while back.

Observations, part deux (?)

• Life feels liberating without a phone, social media accounts etc etc. I think I'm going to be phoneless on purpose for a while now. Facebook makes me sick and a twisted individual, but it's okay, it's amusing to see people so content having achieved so less in their lives. Girls who take selfies everyday and post them with song lyrics as captions don't annoy me anymore, I feel sorry for them. Boys who stalk/prey on women via facebook are always going to be doing it virtually because in reality they lack the balls. 
• I'm done trying to get people to love me. I have never been the one to compromise when it comes to work, family, etc and it's wrong of me to compromise when it comes to relationships. I feel like I owe it to myself and I deserve better than what I've been getting. Love is a sham. Love makes you weak. It fills your head with unrealistic expectations.
• The first incision is always the hardest, the most painful. Mostly because you can't quite anticipate the amount of pain you're going to feel. I feel like an emotional, insecure teenager with body issues cutting herself to feel good. Would you rather cut yourself or do bad drugs? Or both? 
• Lonerism is a good thing. It gives you time to figure out who you really are. If it were upon me, I would never leave the confines of my room. I'm scared of the big bad world outside. I'm afraid of the men who will lure me and break my heart. 
• Everything is always about sex. The older you grow, the more complicated it gets. Your cunt craves for what your heart warns you against. It's easier to get laid when you are young, you don't care about consequences of who you choose to sleep with.
• Am I a slut for enjoying sex as much, if not more than, a man?
• My soul mate is dead. My soul mate is FUCKING DEAD. There, I've said it! Chances are that love will never be my thing. Maybe I'll find fortune and maybe I'll find fame, but that is where the buck will probably stop for me. Neglect breeds strange feelings. I don't think I'd like to procreate and transfer all those fucked up things onto a new generation.
• I love animals and food more than people. People let you down, always.
• One day when I'm 30, I'd like to be dead. Or sooner. I just want to say what I have to say and then exit gracefully. There's only a certain number of years one can live alone, on their own. It becomes painful after that. I feel out of place almost everywhere. I don't think I belong. Or is that because I've had a broken heart for as long as I can remember and I've forgotten what it likes to be happy?
• I can't seem to remember the last time I was genuinely happy. Maybe when I met my best friend. We were sharing our sob stories. There's something incredibly comforting about having someone around who won't judge you for what you do and who you are. Wish I could meet more people like that. 
• Tripping indoors is still not my thing. I'm too much of a vagabond to trip in a room. I need to be somewhere outside, under the sky. I could spend my entire trip looking at the moon. Everything I see and everything I hear and everything I feel, it's all in my head. These are manifestations of my thoughts. I control my trip. What does enlightenment feel like? Powerful, confusing and lonely.
• I'm going back into my shell again. I'll come out only when someone coaxes me out of it. Half-hearted attempts aren't good enough for me anymore. I've been under lockdown for 4 days now and I don't want it to end anytime soon. This is my honeymoon with myself and nobody is invited.
• Everybody is selfish. Everybody is a liar. I'm not everybody.

Why So Fictitious?

Brian Kinney, Queer As Folk

Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl

Jonny Quest, The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest

Donald Draper, Mad Men

Jessica Day, New Girl

Debra Morgan, Dexter

Justin Taylor, Queer As Folk

Marnie Michaels, Girls

Jackson Braddock, Desperate Housewives.

Okay, forget about the last one, I only added it because I was looking for an excuse to add another Gale Harold picture to the list.

Big Long Now

What charm.
What grace.
What a man.
What a mighty good man.
But let me open your can of worms tonight, please.

Lay down beside me like you did so many years ago.
Whisper all those marvelous things into my ear.
Make me nervous.
Make me beg.
But most importantly, don't come before I do...

Stuff My Dreams Are Made Of

A lazy winter afternoon. Short stories by D.H. Lawrence. Vivaldi's Concerto I, Spring Allegro. Venus In Furs. Scotch.

cut to, an idle winter evening. The Bell Jar. Trainspotting. Marijuana. Fear And Loathing at Las Vegas. steamed momos. The Little Prince

Winter night. Jack and coke. The Who. Led Zeppelin. Yellow Submarine. The Adventures of Alice In Wonderland.

:)

:)

http://tmagazine.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/11/17/filthy-gorgeous/?ref=travel

Makes me happy, even if it's for a little while!

The Weak That Was (part II)

• Pre-exam despair (first paper on Modern India is tomorrow afternoon, still haven't started)
• Someone Like You by Adele on loop. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCya1yiFFP4
• Contemplating a change in future career. (haha, "career", like I'll ever pre-plan anything, who am I kidding!)
• The Abhi-Ash baby is all over the news, I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS. I wish news channels would get over it already.
• Re-reading Fight Club, man if you haven't read it you should be ashamed of yourself, it's in a different league altogether. But yea, if you're a bum then watch the movie instead. I love both actually. It's funny how I always imagined Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden even before I watched the movie.
• Watched 'Dead Girl' 

and I wasn't very impressed. I don't really like these zombie movies, but watched [rec] and [rec]2 a couple of days back and lurrrvvveeddd it!

• So yea, my obsession with horror continues. (this is the part when you list your top 5 horror movies in your head so that you can ask me to watch them, only to realise that I don't have a 'comment' or a feedback button in my blog. Mwahahahahhaha *evil laughter*) 
• My dad's been using a blackberry phone for quite some time now. Years ago, when he got his first BB, I was quite appalled by it's monstrosity for it looked like one of those huge pencil boxes that I would carry to school as child. But I've been using a blackberry for about 6 months and as dramatic as it may sound, I really cannot imagine being able to function without it. It's like god in your hands. (now THAT was going too far, wasn't it?) 

Anyway, this is all for now, I just realised that I have an exam in about 12 hours and so I better get started. No need to pray for me, pray for the person who will check my paper!

This Week's Love(s)

• HYPERBOLE AND A HALF is turning out to be my favourite blog of all times. Like really! http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/
• Clipping by Mutemath. Genius. This song reinforces my belief in being able to get high without weed, without alcohol without hash, without any intoxicant!

• Ancient Indian History. I'm starting to like my paper on Ancient Indian history this semester at the JOO. I may not pass AB's paper by any means, but hey, atleast I LIKE what I'm studying!

• Which brings me to the next one, the JOO (also known as Jadavpur University, Kolkata, incase you're an outsider) Dude, 14 fuckin' years of hell later, I have finally found and educational institution which has accepted me with open arms for who I am ad not who they want me to be!

Contrary To Popular Belief

• I don't get tattooed just to stand out/get noticed. To me, tattoos are a form of personal expression. Which is why all my tattoos are located in areas that not all can see at all times. The whole concept of getting tattooed at random to prove something to others is so passe...
• I'm not dating my boyfriend because he's a "rockstar" and he's not dating me for the sex either. People talk about us all the time. But you know what, let them, shows how important we are to them!
• But then again, a bloated self-image is the worst thing that a person can have. Take for example, ex boyfriends and girlfriends. They actually think that they matter and have made an impact on your lives...yeah right!
• No wait, I DID learn something from my recent ex...I'd rather use a dildo than be with someone like IT (not him, but it , yes) the next day.
• I STILL believe that at the end good does prevail over evil. I mean take college admissions for example, the good people DID make it to good colleges and the bitches had to settle for what they actually deserved-leftovers and B-grade institutions.

I'll add to this later, godpromiss, I feel like a bum at the moment...ZzzZZzzzz

I'mHopingThatYouWon'tReadThis, ButYOUWill!

There, what a brilliant way to get someone's attention, ain't it?

(In random order, strictly)

1. I've been duped once about what, 6 months ago? I won't fall for it again, try as they may. If there's one thing that I'm good at, then it's getting over minor hiccups. They're a part of life and I know that I can't escape them, they'll keep showing up from time to time. I fell pretty hard, bruised my knee and lost a lot of blood, but that's okay, my wounds have been bandaged, by others, for a change. I've found a crutch. I'd live through it, I had proclaimed earlier that I would. I did.
2. I would like to thank my intuition and my intuition alone for this. I may have taken a chance, but that's okay, there's nothing that I regret. Like I've said before, when life gives you a lot of shit, it also provides means and ways to clean it up and make things spic and span again. I've noticed that the ones wallowing in self-pity are usually the ones who've led a relatively smooth life and have NO idea how bad life can be. I've been there and done that, I don't find the need to wallow in self-pity. I'm a strong person. I had forgotten about that for a while, but I'm back on track now.
3. The world talks. A lot. I mean really, EVERY person has something harsh and overtly critical to say. With every step that I move forward, ten people are waiting in the bushes with their hearts filled with malice and other demons, to pounce on me with cheap gossip that provides entertainment to others. I don't care really, who's the one wasting time?
4. Sex addicts/those who are obviously deprived sexually will never change their views about women. It's useless to get them to think differently. However, everybody isn't like that. Nice people inhabit the earth too and boy, am I glad to have met some of them!
5. No matter what he says, I know. I'm not stupid. Just because I abuse my intellect time and again and refrain from exhibiting it all the time, does NOT mean that I don't know/I am not aware. Underestimating someone is a cardinal sin, almost!

;)

Because I'm Too Lazy To Organize My Thoughts...

1. I'm a lazy person. Correction, I'm a VERY lazy person. The words order and discipline do not exist in my dictionary.
2. Grammar and spelling abuse irritate the crap out of me. No it's NOT cool to spell the word as "kool", "cul", "kewl" or the likes. Also, anywayS is not a word, anyway is. The same goes for "tuition teacher", your teacher cannot teach you tuition, thus making him/her your TUTOR. Ugghh!!
3. But that goes for my mother tongue as well. I dislike people who think they're being smart by not being able to read or write their mother tongue. It's stupid and it shows what an ass you are. I'm quite ashamed of not having a very huge vocabulary and contrary to popular belief, I enjoy reading Bankimchandra as much as I enjoy reading Kafka.
4. You may call me a geek or a snob based on the two points above, but that's okay I'd never change this about myself. I love to learn and explore and read. If THAT makes me an "anteal" (Bengali word for pseudo-intellectual) then that's not really my problem, the problem is yours-the one labeling me.
5. I love the monsoons so much that it's not funny. Yesterday, the city experienced the first shower and it was mesmerizing to say the least. I let the raindrops catch me and cast their spell on me, I can still feel the drops soaking into my skin. The rain makes me fall in love over and over again.
6. Yes, I am a die-hard romantic. Not the chocolate and flowers kind, but a romantic and a sensual person on the whole. Romance mind you, is a state of mind, don't confuse it with mush and infatuation. Sensuality is NOT sexuality. Anything can be sensual, sensuality is passion, it can burn for anything...
7. I give a 100% to things usually, or I don't do them at all. I don't like half-baked goods. Be it in a relationship or an activity. If I don't feel others reciprocate, I turn the other way and start a new journey. I'm like that. I can't hang on to something when there's no hope. I guess my last relationship tanked primarily because of this reason.
8. Once I'm gone, it's very hard, if not impossible, to bring me back. I have moulded myself to get over tragedies very quickly, you may call it my defense mechanism, but that's the way I am. Like I've said before, hit me once and I shall heal, but hit me again and I shall go away and never come back.
9. I have a bad habit of remembering things, even when I don't want to. Especially events and random images, unless I'm drunk and passed out This leads me to a lot of heartache at times. I'm learning to live with it. Everybody is flawed. I'm no exception.
10. I don't care about looks or physical attributes, but I'm a sucker for good hair. I love my hair *touches wood* and I have a fixed salon where I get it done from. Though it's really far away from where I stay and it costs me a bomb, but it does not matter. I can't go elsewhere. If the fire at Park Street would have got to it too, I would have died. I'm serious man!!
11. I'm NOT a "cool" or "fun-loving" person/ I'm a bum and I'll always be a bum which is why I always make friends with fellow bums. Heh. I love them for who they are.
12. I would like to believe that I am a friendly and a highly tolerant person. Many people tell me that I look like a snob, but I can't help it, I'm hardly a snob. I like almost all kinds of people. But posers make me want to put a bullet through my head.i have to tolerate a few of them but I do NOT like them. If you know me personally then you know who all I'm talking about! ;)
13. (I'll end it here) I like to blame my procrastination and laziness on the weather. It's the weather in Kolkata I tell you, makes me want to stay in bed the whole day and not move a muscle. It's the weather, I swear!

Early Birthday Present part II

(refer to the older post for the first 7...)

8. I don't just do things to be "cool"..but in reality, very honestly, I AM like that. Take the piercings for example, I got them because I am a sick twisted individual who enjoys gratification through pain. It makes me a masochist, but I don't really think that I give a fuck!

9. I don't have a fetish for porn. Contrary to what a lot of you may think, I am quite disgusted by it actually. However, I do have a crush on Jesse Santana, hence the overdose of gay porn clips in my hard disk!

10. I am a sucker for good lyrics. No I DON'T care how brilliant the solo is...give me good lyrics and I'll be addicted to the damn song forever.

11. I kiss and tell and I do it quite unabashedly.

12. I think I'm really in love with Edward Cullen. Damn you Stephenie Meyer!!!

13. Sometimes I really feel like running away and starting life afresh in some new place where people wouldn't judge me just because I am an open-minded person and do things my way.

14. I cried the day MJ died. I don't know why, but I did..

15. I am a procrastinator. The mere fact that this follow-up post took me so long to post speaks volumes of my procrastination, doesn't it?!

16. I started to appreciate Anthony Kiedis and RHCP AFTER I read his book. The funny thing is that I didn't even take any interest in it before I forced myself to start reading it. Whereas, I bought Clapton's autobiography on the same day, came back home and started to read it...but I haven't finished it till date!

17. The number of times that I have watched Fight Club, Requiem for A Dream and Cruel Intentions is scarily unhealthy, but I will continue to do so till some other better movies come my way!

18. Thank god this is over!!

Music: What it does to you.

Music. The very essence of life...well MY life atleast.
I like keeping myself entertained like a little kid by making up and playing stupid little games which turn out to be a good medium to express my feelings at times. So here's one:

I like to call the 'Song/Mind Reader' and is very easy to play, all you need is an mp3 player wit your music in it and some patience and insight. All you do is put your mp3 player on shuffle mode and note down the song that plays with the first thought that comes to your mind on listening to it. I'm feeling kindda upset right now, so i guess 10 songs later, I'll feels better ( or so i would like to believe)...so on my mark...get set...GO!!

I final rule: No Cheating!!!


1. Basketcase - Greenday: Its okay to be wierd. Its okay to be depressed and lifeless all the time. I'm not the only paraniod/retard/loser on earth, Billie Joe Armstrong actually makes me feel better about myself. Oh and another, the chord structure is rather tempting and the song makes me want to crank up the volume on my distortion and play it LOUD!


2. You Dont Know How It Feels - Tom Petty: heartache heartbreak. Defeat and humiliation. Fuck. Move on man. (or write inspirational stuff) I love Tom Petty, really!


3. Sparks - Coldplay: Magic...sheer magic this song...
Is this love or am i imagining it all?
I want to love you till i can love you no more.
I dont want to wake up, just lay here in your arms forever...counting stars above and dreaming of the future...
I love you, i always will...*sigh*
*repeats song*


4. My Sharona - The Ramones: Are you horny yet, or should i make you?! ;) I want to read/view hentai...ugghh, perverted me!!
Guitar solo to die for by the way..

5. Cryin' - Aerosmith: I want to dye my hair electric blue for my 18th birthday. It does not make much sense and neither is it relevant but still!


(enough for now, I'm feeling better already so i dont want to ruin it!)

And yes, guess which song did the trick...Mrs. Robinson - Simon and Garfunkel!

i'm bored. making random lists=fun!

STUFF THAT MAKES ME GO CRAZY (in a good way) :

(in random order)

1. Kurt Cobain.

2. Jim Morrison, Jimmi Hendrix, John Lennon, Janis Joplin, John Mayer, Jimmy Page, Joan Jett, Jack White.

3. The Catcher in the Rhye.

4. Nostalgia.

5.Pain Killers

6. Vodka

7.Doodling

8.Fictional characters such as Heathcliffe, Darcy, Johnny Quest and Cullen :)

9.Forrest Gump

10.Notebooks. my fetish. i love notebooks, fancy looking ones.

11.Punk jewellery

12.Wierd but sexed out nose pins.

13.Minute Maid Pulpy Orange...chilled!

14.Phuchhkaas.

15.Chinese food in kolkata. Golden Joy! :D

16. Tintin!

17.Quizzing.

18. Drama and melodrama.

19.Antisocial and reckless behavior. :S

20.The colours black, electric blue and shocking pink.(no, i am NOT emo!)

21.Stars in the sky.

22.Short pleated skirts. i like taking full advantage of my thin legs.

23.Making out with sayar on the sly. Its so innocent and beautiful.

24.jhaal-muri

25.Adda with friends at the lakes...*sigh*

26.procastinating.

27. low budget commercial bengali movies.

28.CCD: oh, where would i be without you!

29.facebook, orkut and the like...

30.downloading stuff off youtube.

31.adobe photoshop

32.classics.

33.heart shaped box-nirvana

34.:) :D :X :'( :) ....smileys!


(to be continued...)

2009: Resolutions!

(I really dont know why i'm making myself do this...i NEVER keep my promises and my resolutions, this list is just for the sake of it...)

1. save money and get that cobain tattoo. the emphasis is on saving the money, instead of blowing it on alcohol, cigarettes and fetishes and not necessarily on the tattoo!

2. stop being so darn narcissistic.

3. study. hah! :X

4. make better use of the fender and not just play power chords on distortion. :(

5. eat vegetables. (note: paneer is NOT a vegetable)

6. control emotions in public.

7. control emotions in general.

8. idol worshipping cobain is acceptable, but not to the extent of creeping people out with my fanaticism!

9. be tolerant towards all those annoying hindi speaking-oily food eating-hairy legged marwaris in school, just one more year and i'll be outta school anyway! :)

10. GET OVER a certain someone. ugh. and no, i'm not taking names...(hint: Mr. S)

11. try to write better.

12. get that piercing count to 15 or maybe more!

13. unlucky thirteen!

14. atleast make an attempt to do what has been asked to in this list!