I've been busy holed up in my room writing, which has made me completely oblivious to the fact that I need to start prepping for live gigs as well, it is nearly time.
I enjoy this isolation and solitude for most parts because it's an exercise in controlling my sanity, or whatever is left of it.
At 24, I realise that I've come a long way. I've won most of my battles with the past. I no longer have any demons to fight with, like I'm cancer-free after over a decade of struggle.
There is something about this city and the people here that always helps me get back on track everytime I lose perspective of who I am and what I stand for. It is home.
This dystopian world needs real role models, adults who are more adult than you and have their shit together. I feel incredibly lucky to have all these great souls to watch over me, guide me through my dark. It may sound rather melodramatic, but for the first time I'm in love with someone I should have loved right from the start. I am starting to fall in love with myself at last, after all these years of self-hate.
I have to cut myself some slack sometimes. It's perfectly alright to make mistakes, I'll learn as I grow.
The important thing is to keep holding on.
Up.
That's the only way to go.
It'll not be very long before I finally get what I want. I just have to want the right things.
"I have no charm.
Only crippling self-doubt.
Does it make you worried,
I'm so numb I won't scream or shout.
My legs feel so heavy.
But my socks, they match.
For your inflated ego,
I'm such a great catch.
You eye me like prey
And I play along.
I am ridiculously stupid when I'm drunk,
Forget my right and wrong.
Fall for the ugliest girl in the world and I'll show you, what love is.
My emotional bankruptcy
Is a blessing in disguise.
My complete lack of self-respect
Makes me immune to your lies.
You're so cold, baby, so cold
And I thought I was mean.
You keep me in the corner,
Where I cannot be seen.
Fall for the ugliest girl in the world and I'll show you, what love is."
"Fall for the ugliest girl in the world and I'll show you, what love is.
It's always the ugly ones,
It's always the lonely ones,
It's always the crazy ones that care"
-Ugly Girls, Untitled Project.
