After months of agony, I sent him a message. He responded. He remembered me. I pretended like nothing ever happened. We decided to meet at a coffee shop.
Numb, that's what I felt during the cab ride to the destination. I didn't overdress, I didn't underdress. I wanted him to see who I was now.
"You were my first kiss"
"Something told me that you'd grow up to be a good kisser"
Grow up. I smirked.
He placed his hand on my lap.
I was still numb.
We got up to leave. He was short! In my head, he was a tall giant towering over me, a wolf with hungry eyes.
But he seemed tiny, insignificant almost.
I wouldn't give him a second glance if he were a stranger.
Big bad wolf.
Pedophile.
Sick.
He called me many times, sent innumerable texts afterwards but I didn't want anything more out of this.
I found what I'd been looking for, my closure.
There are times when you have to feign your strength. It's the only way to move forward.
3 days till I turn 24 and I've had some strange and hard hitting realisations this past one year.
"Fighting to stay alive, turning insane.
Discarding all compassion, every membrane.
It gets heartbreaking after a while, all this hate.
You're left wondering it at all, love is in your fate..."
The new Ganesh songs are strange and a departure from the previous lot. I am prepared to face the brickbats once they're out because I don't know if people will like them or not. But I'm not scared. During the making of In Technicolor I promised myself I'd step my game up on the next one. I've written all these fancy new tunes and not as a songwriter, but an aspiring producer. It's taken me my sanity to get my shit down right from scratch. But I feel so empowered, proud almost.
The most nerve wracking part of the process was actually taking my shoddily made sessions over to the magician for him to fix, tweak and most importantly like. I'm like a child with my eyes always wide in wonder at his studio. It's so exciting to be spending the time recording our demos. When you're hi-fiving after a good take, you know you're on the right track. You just have to keep at it. There is not a moment when I don't learn something new.
A 24/7 school situation.
I channelise all my energy into work, or atleast try to.
It keeps my mind off the fact that everything else is in shambles.
I don't want to think about it.
I don't want to think about it.
I'd be so great if I could turn all the hurt into hate.
I'm extremely productive when I'm bitter.
I get shit done.
There's so much work left to do and so little time. We start our boot camp rehearsals for the tour towards the end of the month and the mere thought of it makes me so tired and worn out. I'm not complaining though, the reward comes in the form of being able to travel and share your innermost feelings with other people. With the newer lot, honestly, I'd be happy if it stayed with them and nothing more really. The songs will not be fucking chartbuster material anymore, it's time to grow up a little bit and take those tinted glasses off.
All of this is real.
All of this is happening.
Do all the drugs you want to,
but the demons are not going to go away.
My mood affects all of my music. At least for suyasha 2.0 it does. I've been swimming in a sea of endless melancholy and I really do need to snap out of it.
"Feeling bad over the person who's never even made you orgasm?"
"Not worth it, baby."
The most nerve wracking part of the process was actually taking my shoddily made sessions over to the magician for him to fix, tweak and most importantly like. I'm like a child with my eyes always wide in wonder at his studio. It's so exciting to be spending the time recording our demos. When you're hi-fiving after a good take, you know you're on the right track. You just have to keep at it. There is not a moment when I don't learn something new.
A 24/7 school situation.
I channelise all my energy into work, or atleast try to.
It keeps my mind off the fact that everything else is in shambles.
I don't want to think about it.
I don't want to think about it.
I'd be so great if I could turn all the hurt into hate.
I'm extremely productive when I'm bitter.
I get shit done.
There's so much work left to do and so little time. We start our boot camp rehearsals for the tour towards the end of the month and the mere thought of it makes me so tired and worn out. I'm not complaining though, the reward comes in the form of being able to travel and share your innermost feelings with other people. With the newer lot, honestly, I'd be happy if it stayed with them and nothing more really. The songs will not be fucking chartbuster material anymore, it's time to grow up a little bit and take those tinted glasses off.
All of this is real.
All of this is happening.
Do all the drugs you want to,
but the demons are not going to go away.
My mood affects all of my music. At least for suyasha 2.0 it does. I've been swimming in a sea of endless melancholy and I really do need to snap out of it.
"Feeling bad over the person who's never even made you orgasm?"
"Not worth it, baby."
