school

On my way back home from school today, I realised how alone i really have been all this while. My life in school sucks. I hate it. I feel like i'm being punished for sins,i havent even committed, everyday. I hate school. why shouldnt I?

My low self esteem, my vulnerability and my inability to be happy, even momentarily have roots that all lead to the same source~school.

On the very first day, i was led into a pale yellow classroom by a face i had never seen before, she was my class teacher in Lower Infant. All others around me were crying, wailing and throwing fits, they wanted to go back home, the familiar place where somebody would constantly shower them with love and attention.
I did not cry though, not even once. But after all these years, i can finally understand what those little kids were going through and damn, i'm shedding the tears that they've shed, only i'm 13 years behind them.
I do not want to go to school.I want to go back home, and i say this after i reach a point, where i have to endure this torture for only less than year. But i've had enough, i REALLy cant take it anymore.

Do you want to why i hate my school so much?
For starters, I've never been appreciated or acknowledged,not even once, for my efforts. I know i am not a brilliant student, but does that mean that my talents in other spheres will not be taken into consideration at all?!
What the part that hurts the most is when you work your butt off, only to see that your rightfully earned reward is being given away to someone else~someone who clearly does not deserve it, someone inferior to you.

It hurts when you have a dream, you're really close to achieving it,you know for sure that you will, only to have it snatched away from you.
I have been feeling this way for so long that i've stopped dreaming altogether. I've let mediocrity set into me when i'm clearly capable of excellence.


I have been let down by my school in more ways than i could ever express.
I have been let down by my classmates, who have only used me for their own benefit.
I have been let down by the management, which has done more harm than good.
I have been let down by the teachers, who have never appreciated me.
I have been let down by the students, to who i was always an outcaste.
I have been let down.
I have been let down, but most of all, i have been let down by myself, for running for too long to seek the light at the end end of the tunnel, when there clearly isnt any!

Maybe its all my fault.
Maybe i expect too much.
The world is cruel, and school is a part of it.
Maybe i am not what i think i am.
Maybe i am the jack of all trades..but the master of none..its too late now..i can never be...all my youth wasted on something that clearly was not worth it...