That's The Spirit

It's 2 in the morning, we're at Park Street making out like hormonal teenagers. I surprise myself by choosing to go out with him. He's young, like me. All my recent tales have been with slightly older ones, men. But boys are sweet, they don't play games. There's a certain innocence in them which I wish I found attractive. It's dangerous for me to be with them though, I always end up breaking their hearts, although unwillingly.

I enjoy his company. We talk, observe the hundreds (or thousands?) around us and do all sorts of juvenile things. It feels good to be a child again. I want the weight of adulthood and maturity off my shoulders on some nights. 

I still think about him sometimes though. I wonder if I ever cross his mind.

But I know now that I will never be his, he never wanted me as much as he wanted himself, his own adventures. I was never in the picture. There was no space for me in his heart. It was all in my head. But that's alright, you live and you learn.

Sometimes it feels great to be able to kiss somebody without expecting anything in return. You don't want to fall in love, you don't want him to love you. You just want to be kissed and held. 

I've had some strange adventures in 2015, met the most interesting people. I am proud of how far I've come from the wreck that I was in last year. My life isn't all that bad, I'd like to think. 

I have been sticking to my self-imposed rules post erectile-dysfunction man and it's safe to say that although I may be alone, at least I'm not lonely.

So 2015, what a merry Christmas indeed!