The Tenth Day

It was a few years ago, our last together, when we accidentally stumbled onto each other. 'Durga Pujo' is the magical time of the year when miracles happen. Miracles and chance encounters have happened for as long as I remember. That was the last year a miracle happened, for me. I met you. Of all the people in the world, it was you I bumped into and I wish I could do it over and over again.

What if soulmates really do exist? What if you were my soulmate? Does that mean that I am destined to be alone forever, now that you're gone?

I hate this city during this time of the year. I hate stepping out of my house. What is the point, it's not like I'll see you somewhere, amongst the crowd. The last time we met was probably when I fell in love with you. You looked at me with such kindness, such compassion. The lust that brought us together was replaced by a sense of belonging. We someone fit into a perfect mould together. Our connection was so surreal, so strong and yet neither of us knew that this wouldn't last forever.

I wish I hadn't turned you down when you asked me to be your "girlfriend", I was scared and I didn't know that the time we had together would be so short. I wish we could have settled down eventually, gotten married and even have a kid maybe. We used to joke about things like that, things like how I'd make one lousy wife and you'd be a shitty husband and how we'd be the worst possible parents for a child. The jokes have stopped now. My reality is that I'll probably land up alone, trying to navigate my way through a series of bad relationships and meaningless sex.
I wanted to grow old with you, I wanted you to be a part of my life. I know you're still around watching over me. I know you're happy when I am happy and you're sad when I am. But I miss your embrace so much.
Sometimes I want to stay in bed and sleep forever to ease the pain of not having you around. I try and replay our first kiss over and over again in my head. But the details are getting blurry as time passes me by, your face is starting to fade.

Maybe in a few years, when I'm done living this life, I will come and join you wherever you are. The white light found you before it found me but not even death can keep us apart forever and it is only a matter of time till I find you again and this time I'm not letting go...