Sweet Song- Blur

"I'm a darkened soul
My street's all pop music and gold
Our lives are on TV
You switch off and try to sleep
People get so lonely..." -Blur


I dream the same dream every night now. I've never felt so lost ever before in my life. I wish there was a sign-to show me the way. I've never felt this confused.
The memories are starting to fade. Disappearing bit by bit.

But they haven't gone away just yet. All it takes is one push, everything goes back into rewind mode again.

I remember the intensity in Monster's eyes. The colour of the shirt he wore. His flawless body. How amused he seemed. Yet determined.
I remember words. Stray actions. But nothing else.
Of the most twisted sexual encounter of my life.

Abuse is a mental thing.
The body heals in no time. The brain, unfortunately, isn't all that naive.


"It takes time to see what you have done
So I wean myself off slowly..."


And despite all the things that Monster made me go through, I still wish him well. I hope he leads a good life.


Some part of me wants to be 12 and do it all over again. I don't know why. Maybe because I am damaged beyond repair.
This isn't who I have become. This is who I am.


"But I hope I see the good in you come back again
I just believed in you..."