bleh

I have started smoking again, after restraining myself for TWO BLOODY YEARS, I'm back to where I started. I feel really guilty but I really can't help it. This ongoing phase is pretty much sucking the life out of me.
I rolled a nice little joint for myself a few nights ago and finished it coolly without an aorta of guilt or shame.

Maybe this is my way of getting back at life. If it's going to be this shitty continually then I might as well end it sooner, one cancer stick at a time. (note: marijuana does not have too many ill-effects on the human body, it's tobacco that does)

I don't know why things are not working out for me. I have always been a believer in karma. I have always justified all the drama in my life by telling myself that it'll pass and lead me to a better future. But when will that 'better future' become the present?
I've lived for 20 years now and I'm sorry to say that the past 8 years have been extremely cruel to me for some reason or the other. It's not fair. I know, despite all my ramblings I do have a life better than many others so I shouldn't really crib, but the problem is there seems to be no end to my so-called misery.

I get past one obstacle and another one comes and hits me in the face.

I have stopped feeling sad and depressed. It's almost comical and amusing now. How bad could it possibly get from this point?!

Fate, seriously, stop picking on me.
It's high time that you did.
Why don't you pick on someone else instead, there are so many others like me out there!