It's like a mutiny. Against myself.
I don't know what it is about me that makes people love me yet take me for granted all the time. Everybody's doing it. Be it consciously or subconsciously, they put me on this pedestal, like I'm never going to let them down, forever be perfect, be there by their side.
While it's quite flattering to think that most people close to me feel that way, it's also quite heartbreaking to think that I do almost all the things that I do expecting nothing in return. I know for a fact that it's a selfish world and everybody's just concerned about their needs. They have better things to do about worry about someone.
So where does that put me?
I don't know, really.
I love. I give. I do things. Without expecting anything in return. I don't do it because it's the right thing to do, but that's just the way I am.
But right now, I'm just a little sad. I don't think anybody really cares.
No, this is not a random self-pity injected post.
I don't know what to feel anymore. Not because I'm upset or happy or any of those things, I'm just very very disillusioned.
Let's face it, I've never been very good with people-to-people relationships, I've never known where to draw the line and protect myself from the big bad world. I guess I'll never learn.
You see, I still think of that day sometimes. I wonder if things would still be the same if I hadn't encountered that day. Would I be better at this? Would it be less painful every time somebody/something broke my heart?
I guess I'll never know...
