One is the friendly, peaceful and the ordinary one-Suyasha. Suyasha is the facade that you see everyday. The mask that I wear under normal circumstances. Most people only get to see Suyasha and sooner or later, they are all convinced that I am not acting, I AM her. Sometimes I wish I could BE her and not just pretend. Life would have been a lot simpler then. But then again, it sure as hell wouldn't be any fun if the other persona did not exist-Vana.
Vana, forest; wild and savage...animalistic. THAT is the other me. Vana is also the 'nirvana' minus the 'nir'. A good friend of mine who I was fucking a long time back, adopted the name 'nir' and named me 'vana'. As you may have guessed, we were both madly in love with Kurt Cobain and we still are and probably will always be.
Vana is the one who'll intimidate you. She'll bring you down. She is filled with passion. With pain. With suffering. With burdens she can no longer carry. She is dark and brooding, haunted by her the demons that mess with her head at all times.
Suyasha is the one firmly rooted to the ground. Her rigid boundaries have been drawn for her and she seldom crosses them. She is humane. She is the one with morals. With ethics. But she's also the one who is too afraid to try new things for she fears that she may fail. She sits in her dark corner, too afraid to go out into the light because the sun may burn her.
Vana is the goddess you look up to. The daring one. The mighty one. The liberal one. The one who has fallen from grace too may times before. The one who has been used too many times. The one who is a fighter, but the one who secretly cries herself to sleep at night. The one who wallows in self-pity and in self-disgust.
Suyasha tries to shut Vana out. But only temporarily. Vana fights her way back in.
Vana tries to overpower Suyasha. She succeeds. Suyasha claws back in again.
It's a circle.
Of life and death.
Good and bad.
Yin and yang.
I am not perfect, I am not even close.
Neither is Suyasha.
Neither is Vana.
But they're trying hard. Very hard.
They're messing with my head.
I am not schizophrenic.
Neither do I have a split personality.
I have a mind that likes to portray itself as two functional units, rather than as one entity.
Poor me? Nah, it adds variety to me life.
I know that there will be a day when this circle will come to a halt. I shall attain Moksh. Nirvana.
That will be the day...
