The Middle and The Subsequent Extreme.

Scrub the floors.

Scrub them real hard.

Make sure that no stains catch my eye once the deed is done.

Otherwise I am going to unleash all my fury.

Raise hell.

And what not.

Shifting shape.

Talking in tongue.

Is who you are,

not what you've become!

Bleak Paintings.

We're all wasting away my friend, wasting away, fading into oblivion with each passing minute.

Will you please hold my hand while I barf at the thought?

I'm growing old. I'm becoming senile. Overtly critical about myself. Pessimistic. Indifferent. I'm trying to run away from the ennui that has permanently set up camp in my head, but only in vain.

Is this a sneak peak into what life as an adult (read old person) is like?

Or have I been sober for too damn long?

(sorry, the pic has nothing to do with my post. Since I'm posting a whole lotta crap for you to read anyway, the least I can do is add some colour to it!)

You'll Never Know

You're so pretty that I could spend the entire day just looking at you.

And take in as much as I can.

You're so vibrant.

Full of colour and joy.

Full of ideas.

Full of ideals.

And what not.

I love how you've spun me in your web of lies.

or so you think.

I love how you think you're playing this game so well.

And you're winning.

I may not show it.

You may not know it.

But I've got you locked inside a cage.

I've clipped your wings.

And I'm not going to set you free...

What will you do now,

tell on me?

Maybe One Day...

One day I shall run away.

Throw a few things into my backpack.

Grab some change.

A bottle of water maybe.

A journal to write my adventures in.

See places I've never seen.

Live off of whatever I get.

Shave my head.

Bottle away all my pride.

Get in touch with my long lost soul.

One day I shall run away.

Far from this place that I call home.

Find a new one.

Stare at the stars all through the night.

Without a care in the world.

Without an aim.

Without a destination.

Without pretense.

One day I shall run away.

But till then I'm just a vagabond at heart...

My Pick: Videos That Reek Of Awesomeness!

(in random order)

1. Can't Stop-Red Hot Chili Peppers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfOdWSiyWoc&feature=relmfu
2. Typical-Mutemath http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XVWR-5fiG0&feature=related
3. Hella Good-No Doubt http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtTj4cramPM
4. Let's Dance-David Bowie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4d7Wp9kKjA

Don't try to get inside my head,

Don't try to get inside my head,

Don't try to get inside my head.

I'm not even thinking about the things that you think I am...

Heartshaped

A bottle of vodka. A bottle of pills.

Might provide a few hours worth cheap thrills.

But they can't quite mend the broken heart.

A stranger in my bed.

Can't quite shut out the thoughts from my head.

He can't quite mend my broken heart.

Tell me how to mend a broken heart

Teach me how to find a brand new start

and I'll be forever indebted to you.

Am I not welcome in your head anymore?

Just because you walked out that door,

doesn't mean that you can run away...

Letting Go

"cause there's beauty in breakdown...so let go, let go..." -Frou Frou

These little pieces of the puzzle that conveniently stitch us together won't ever fall apart, will they? I'm scared stiff. I'm holding back tears tonight but I don't know if I can keep pushing them back for much longer. I want to let go of all my insecurities and jump right in, but I can't. I don't know what's holding me back.

If only it were that easy...

"Such boundless pleasure

We've no time for later

Now you can't await

your own arrival

you've twenty seconds to comply

So, let go, so let go

Jump in

Oh well, what you waiting for?

It's alright

'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

So, let go, yeah let go

Just get in

Oh, it's so amazing here

It's all right

'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown..."

Con. Sequence

Like they say (some very "smart" people, apparently) that every action has it's consequence. I hope the sinners are reading this in that case.

I need to stop ignoring my blog. Maybe THAT should be my resolution this year. *sigh

You Get Wiser As You Grow Older

It's always a good idea to record thoughts, events and feelings on paper. Once in a while, when you read your journal entries from the past, they remind you that you have, in fact, been taking all the right decisions.

The decision to deal with the trauma of rape instead of letting the shame and the agony scar you for life.

The decision to love again.

The decision to get rid of people who don't really give a fuck about you from your life.

The decision to start dreaming again.

The decision to make your dreams come true, one small step at a time.

And lastly, the decision to not give up your search until you have found your knight in shining armor.

(In my case, however, the knight found me and not the other way round!)

The Stoner

The pretty purple pills

That I take to go to sleep

Make me want to kill you

Make me want to weep.

I bury my head under a pillow.

Stifling the horrid moan.

My body wants me to stop.

But my mind asks me to get stoned.

So I take just one puff.

Let the smoke fill my head.

Then I take one more.

And my head feels like lead.

I meet some old friends.

And make some new ones too.

They save me from ennui

When they come to my rescue.

But time is my worst nightmare.

It ends my grand trip.

My dreams fall right apart.

As it cracks it's whip.

So I go back to bed.

Unwillingly wake up the next day.

The circus begins yet again.

I'm just a stoner. Okay?

The Journey

The road seemed long and winding.

The wind blew hard and cold.

Another day was to begin.

Another story was to unfold.

I walked straight ahead.

For so many a day and night.

Never to stop and rest.

only following that one ray of light.

The light vanished one day.

I was lost and I was confused.

So I changed my path

And walked on unbruised.

I took a long, deep breath.

Summoned the gods.

Asked for the strength to carry on.

Against the tides, against the odds.

I put my hands into my pocket.

And walked on for a mile or two.

The ray of light flickered again.

That's when I met you.

My journey thus came to an end.

And that's when I knew.

I found love.

When I found you.

My end of semester examinations (dreadfully dubbed as "end sems") start from Monday and here I am, unprepared, disinterested, lethargic yet scared stiff.

But atleast I made a pretty picture, here, see:

(click to enlarge)

How Much Worse Will It Get?

The truth is I don't know where I am anymore. I've lost track of myself. I cannot quite trace who I am, or rather, who I used to be.

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ME?

I used to be strong, so strong.

So brave.

Such a fighter.

I'm just lonely as hell now.

There's so much that I'd like to say, but who has the time to listen these days?

Everybody's busy.

Everybody is doing their own thing.

Living their own life.

I'm the only one living a lie.

But I guess I'm partially at fault too. I've been making all the wrong choices over and over again...

Stop.

Rewind.

If only it were that easy...

I Don't Like The Bitch You're Dating!

A sleepless boy.

His radioactive toy.

Bringing him joy.

As the girl dies a violent death.

The chap is nice.

Full of spice.

Cold as ice,

his girlfriend's a whore..

I miss being unconditionally happy.

You know, when you're just happy.

Carefree.

There's a soft, sweet wind blowing.

On an otherwise hot summer night.

You take a moment off.

And just breathe.

Value your life.

Smile to yourself, think of all the things you have.

Be reassured.

Be content.

Go back to sleep again, with that smile intact.