Through Cobain Tinted Glasses

Yesterday was a good day, not overtly great, but good nevertheless. I mean wins and losses don't really get to me that much, but it does feel great when you win, your best friend comes second and your boyfriend comes third..:D :D
(yes, this is in reference to a competition, my first ever competition, that we won last night)

But then again, you win some and you lose some. Black Ninja and I did all that we could to get to "Psunomyn" practise on time but thanks to a drunk cab driver, we turned up half an hour late and i had to face the wrath of guitar god kaku...:(
Black Ninja felt so guilty that he looked like he was about to cry since i was at the receiving end of the wrath and not him..but then again, i really didn't mind...given an option, i'd do it all over again.
Yesterday, being on stage with the !Banned guys, I was reminded of why i wanted to make music in the first place, for nothing else but the passion and anybody who reprimands me for that can go ahead, but i can't do music just for the moolah, thankyouverymuch!


My friend called me up yesterday, asking me why I haven't been writing about the other stuff in my life (read the "private" stuff) and it got me thinking about my insecurities again. Most people would wish for me to drown in a lake or something after reading this, but I can't help it. Deep down inside, I'm insecure too, for being the trophy girlfriend.
Really really stupid, but still.
If you have zero self-confidence/an ugly face/no noticeable talent/no class or money/ a mind which cannot think on it's own/jaali tastes or heck if you're bad in bed, you still have the right to be insecure. But considering the fact that none of those (or other) criteria apply for me, what right do i have to be insecure?
Well i think i have the scariest flaw-most people who know me only know me from the surface and do not bother to dig in deep. And for those of who, who do..they become friends for life, but that's for another post.
Sometimes i feel like i am loved (yes, i am choosing the word 'love' here) for who i am on the surface and not for who i am deep down inside. And it scares the hell outta me.
My worst nightmare of being the trophy girlfriend might just be true. You know, the kind one would love to show off to friends, take everywhere as arm candy and spend every minute possible talking to for being such a good companion. Or the one who you can trust will be yours no matter what and no matter who comes along. But in return, you don't have to give anything back cause no matter what you do to her, at the end she'll love you back. Scary, very scary. So I choose not to let such thoughts take over my mind cause I have noticed that it affects my creativity and being where I am today, my vocal chords and my creativity are getting me places today, so I don't want to throw that away for another person. If his love for me is true, then he will not chain me down with his ego. If his ego is greater than his love, he very well will. Things have been good so far so why worry about the future and ruin the moment?! *touch wood*