I hit almost all the notes perfectly. My projection was fine. My lyrics were perfect. The stage act too was immaculate, but it was all just a sham, I may have fooled them all, but I couldn't fool myself. What am I becoming?
The same person who'd practise for hours and pick up every song perfectly before every practise, regardless of a gig in the near future or not is now least bothered. The person who'd excel at replicating Nirvana songs cause they came from within now watches the television screen in front while on stage during 'Lithium'...seriously, WHAT am I becoming?
As I looked at Guitar God Kaku today, I felt ashamed for letting him down. There sat a man opposite to me who had given up every goddamn luxury in life to pursue music as a profession because to him, music comes from within and he is true to his love for music and what I have been doing to him has been nothing else apart from letting him down to the point where he's started to question his own capabilities as a musician. We've driven him to the point where he feels stagnated. Why? For our own selfish reasons.
I am sorry, I really am, on behalf of all of us. I don't want to be a rockstar, I have never wanted to be one. I've never wanted to pursue music for the fame, the glamour or the moolah. I've chosen this path because this is something that comes from within and that thank you for reminding me why I joined this band in he first place-to learn so as to become a musician one day!
